Francis: I barely drank, and I'm an alcoholic.
Piama: It's true; I've only seen him tipsy once. He gets sick. I can't even give him cough syrup.
Lois: How the hell can you call yourself an alcoholic if you don't even drink?!
Francis: What do you mean?! My life was a wreck! I had no future, no hope. I had all the signs.
Lois: Except for the alcohol part.
Francis: Why do you keep harping on that?! Why do you have to do that?! You never let me have anything! You wouldn't let me have that bike or those throwing stars! Now you won't let me have alcoholism the one thing I'm doing right in my life!
Lois: Unbelievable. If it's not me, it's alcohol, right? The problem's always somewhere else. Francis, you need to take a look in the mirror. Come on, Hal, let's go home.
Francis: Wait a minute. You can't walk out on me! This is your problem, too!