Reese: Jamie. Come on, just try it. It's easy.
Malcolm: What are you doing?
Dewey: He's trying to teach Jamie to smoke.
Reese: Since we're stuck watching him, I figured we might as well do something cool with him. What's cooler than a smoking baby?
Malcolm: Why don't you just shoot him out of a cannon?
Reese: Come on, he could be famous. You know, "Jamie, that smokin' baby." He could do talk shows or tour with rock bands. But he doesn't even care.
Dewey: Give him a break. He's not even two.
Reese: I'm not mad that he won't light the cigarette. I'm mad that he won't try. I think he's stupid. Look, pal, we missed the chance to raise you inside a Sparklet's bottle. This is our last shot. We're not going to move. We're going to sit here for as long as it takes. [Reese sniffs] Aw, man! You did that on purpose. You going to play it that way, fine. Now it's war.