Spangler: Men, a terrible tragedy has befallen us. At approximately 1700 hours, our beloved Patton was set upon by a serpent and devoured. I, myself, fired a few rounds as it slithered away but, hampered by a lack of depth perception, my efforts were useless. [sniffles] Now, after an incident such as this certain questions arise. Leaving aside for the moment why God feels the need to take away everything that I love, that leaves us with the matter of who is responsible. [holds out gloved hand] Can you explain that, Francis?
Francis: Yes, sir. I believe you lost that finger trying to start the school lawn mower.
Spangler: What is in the hand?
Francis: They appear to be Raisinettes, sir.
Spangler: They are snake droppings, found in your footlocker. Now, what do you have to say for yourself?
Francis: Sir, I'm obviously the victim of an elaborate conspiracy to frame me. It's just too perfect, sir.
Spangler: Two months! No hot water, no television and an 8:00 p.m. curfew for the entire academy! Feel free to thank the cadet after I leave.