Lois: Hal? What are you doing here? Is everything all right?
Hal: Not yet, but it will be as soon as you put these on.
Lois: Are you crazy?
Hal: If loving your wife is crazy, then I'm a drooling lunatic. You deserve the moon and the sky, Lois. Maybe someday I'll be able to buy them for you, but for now, these will have to do.
Lois: Oh, Hal. Thank you.
Hal: I accidentally spent $800 on phone sex.
Lois: I was doing my makeup in the rear view mirror, and I ran over your golf clubs.
Hal: I burned a hole in your favorite dress.
Lois: You didn't get that promotion because I called your boss a fat-ass at the Christmas party.
Hal: I lost my wedding ring three years ago. This is part of a lawnmower.
Lois: Your Aunt Lucy isn't angry with you. She's dead. I just forgot to tell you.