Meg: Do you work for the company or are you a drag-along?
Lois: Definitely a drag-along.
Meg: Oh, me too. Me too. My husband drags me along to these functions then he runs off and talks to his friends.
Lois: I hide.
Meg: Hide?
Lois: From my kids.
Meg: It's great to have somebody to talk to. I'm really so bad at social situations. My psychiatrist says I'm emotionally detached and that I have paranoid fantasies about what people think about me. [giggles]
Lois: Uh-huh? [steps back]
Meg: Yeah, sometimes, it can get really ugly. False accusations, crying attacks. I don't know why my husband married me. Oh, I mean, I know why I married him. I'm addicted to disapproval.
Lois: Ah. [steps back] Really?
Meg: Yeah. Of course, I only have myself to blame. He's exactly like my father was. Oh, my God! He was so judgmental. Every time I opened my mouth, I felt I was torturing him.

Hal: How's my breath? [exhales]
Woman: It seems fine.
Hal: Not too minty? Because that can be just as bad.
Woman: Please give me back my compact.

Francis: I was in the locker room and the other coach approached me.
Lavernia: What's that reptilian sack of dog logs trying to pull now?
Francis: He wants to make a wager with you on the outcome of the game. $642, to be exact.
Lavernia: I don't bet. I earn my money and hold on to it.
Francis: He said you'd be afraid.
Lavernia: Oh, he did?
Francis: He also said John Grisham was a hack with no sense of plot and a tin ear for dialogue.
Lavernia: What? He said that about Mr Grisham? Alright, he wants to bet? We'll bet. Tell him to make it 700.
Francis: He was pretty adamant about the $642.
Lavernia: Fine. Hey, Chuck! I need you to hold on to some bet money. That idiot Clarence has no idea what we got in store for him. Easiest 700 I ever made.

Meg: He is never home. The last time we had dinner together was six months ago, and that was with his boss! Oh, and did I tell you about our anniversary? I bought $30's worth of candles. $30's worth. I was wearing a negligee the size of a postage stamp. He walks in an hour late, goes straight to the computer and spends the next six hours in a chat room. I drank an entire bottle of champagne then I passed out. And I woke up the next morning with the dog licking my face. And I actually thought it was my husband!
Lois: [chuckles] I'm gonna find my boys.
Meg: I mean, as if he would ever show me any kind of affection. As far as he is concerned, I am still the fat lady that answers his psychiatrist's phone. In my mind, I do see myself as a 200-pounder. But I have seen the way other men look at me.
Lois: Wanda! Oh, so good to see you again. Wanda, this Meg. Wanda, Meg. Why don't you get to know each other? I'm going to get something to drink. I'll be right back.
Meg: Um... So, how do you know Lois?
Woman: Que?

Meg: Did I tell you that his mother is coming to visit me this week? I mean, she despises me, but at least she talks to me. My husband, on the other hand, hasn't said two words besides, "Where's the remote?" and "How far are those gonna sag?"
Lois: [o.s.] This isn't a good time.
Meg: Every year, he has to go to this stupid get-together for his old friends from college. We're about to go to this party and he tells me not to say anything stupid. Like I would do that. I embarrass him one time! Big deal. I didn't know who Ernest Hemingway was. I mean a lot of people...