Lois: Reese, what's wrong?
Reese: I got the results of our green card test in this envelope. But I just can't open it! I know I didn't pass. I totally panicked.
Lois: Oh, Reese, don't be silly. These tests are for people who aren't living together. Who aren't in love. You have a real marriage. This is no problem.
Reese: But, Mom, what if I...?
Lois: You'll be fine. This is a mother's promise to her son. [opens envelope] Oh, wow, Reese. I'm so, so sorry.
Reese: Quit stalling! How did I do?
Lois: The INS is denying Raduca's request for a green card. They're questioning the validity of your marriage. They want her to report to their office tomorrow. You said Raduca had a tail?
Reese: Might have a tail! I don't know what the hell is going on back there! I was nervous.

Lois: There you go.
Malcolm: Liver and beans again?
Lois: It's all we had.
Hal: You've done it again, honey.
Lois: Now, Jamie, I'm sorry if you don't like it, but I worked very hard to make this and nobody leaves until their plates are clean.
[After Lois turns around, Hal and the boys dump their food on Jamie's plate and run out]

Reese: Mom, Dad, I would like to invite you to a garage-warming. Raduca thought that the least we could do is show our appreciation by treating you to a meal.
Lois: Well, I don't know what to say.
Hal: We would be delighted to come. What are we having?
Reese: [opens fridge] Looks like baloney, some kind of yellow cheese, half a liter of diet soda and wheat crisps.
Hal: Wonderful.

Dewey: Where's Piama?
Francis: Her sister's in prison. Or marrying somebody in prison. Whatever it was, she bought a dress.
Dewey: So what's the deal with the beard?
Francis: Oh, this thing? I don't know. I was trying to find a job and not really finding anything and kinda felt like something was holding me back. I think this makes me stand out from the crowd.
Dewey: Mission accomplished. So this is how you live? No fridge, no real furniture, and the only decoration's a stolen bus bench?
Francis: Isn't that great?
Dewey: Francis, this is... everything I've ever dreamed of! This is exactly how I'll live when I grow up!
Francis: Thanks, Dewey. You know, it's not easy to create this kind of lifestyle. Hey, you want to listen to some music?
Dewey: Sure.
Francis: [bangs on wall] Hey, Kipler, turn that crap down! [loud music plays] Feel that bass? That's a powered subwoofer!

Lois: I'm not going to be mean. I'm going to very nicely tell them their marriage is a sham and must be dissolved.
Hal: That might backfire. Look what happened when my mother tried that with us.

Hal: Reese, you did this?
Raduca: He is very determined when you give him task.
Reese: Now, sweetie, you can't give me all the credit. We both stomped that spider nest together.
Raduca: Ah, yes, honeymoon.
Hal: I'm very impressed.
Lois: Is this homework?!
Reese: Yeah, Raduca won't let me watch any television until it's finished. [to Hal] Wives. Am I right?
Raduca: Education is key to better life.
[As Lois goes to sit down at the table:]
Raduca: Reese! Chair!

Hal: I can't remember when I've had a baloney and wheat-crisp casserole this good.
Raduca: Reese has studying for green card exam. We must know every spouse's detail. Favorite color, toilet habit, my menstruation cycle.
Hal: I think I'm done.

Hal: Uh, Milt, you'll have to excuse Malcolm. He, uh, had to do some brain exercises. You know, mental squats and such. Anyway tell me about your science department.
Milt: Well, I'd love to. Let me just find my brochure. Here, why don't you take one of my key chains?
Hal: [laughs] It lights up! What else you got in there? Ooh, I like that beer cozy. Oh, but I suppose it's either/or. [Milt pushes the beer cozy towards Hal]

Reese: Why do we have to get a stupid green card anyway? I hate studying. It's so boring.
Raduca: Shut up and look at my breasts! This is the kind of thing that it will be on test. Note the number and the position of the beauty marks.
Reese: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Raduca: Eyes down here!

[When Reese walks into the garage, he finds a naked Raduca covering herself with a pillow:]
Reese: Oh, no. No more studying. I need a break.
Raduca: Reese, what are you doing here?!
Reese: What's that? Who's there? [a shirtless man walks by] Raduca, who is this?!
Raduca: Um, this is, um, Bela, and I have known him for many years because he is my brother.
Reese: I can't believe you! You had your brother in town and don't tell me?! Get over here! [hugs Bela]