Reese: You wouldn't believe all the stuff they've got down there. Clothes, toys, comics. Yesterday a guy dropped off an old Nintendo, the Double Dragon 4 game.
Stevie: DD4?! The Sacred... Stone?
Reese: Yeah, why?
Stevie: I give you... $20... for it.
Malcolm: Money? I guess we could put it in the collection box.
Reese: This is great! The church is only charging $5 for it. This way we pick it up, Stevie the game he wants and the church gets an extra $10.
Malcolm: No, the church would get an extra $15.
Reese: Well, I think we deserve something for our trouble. Think of it this way. The church is getting three times the money they would have otherwise.
Malcolm: Yeah. We're makin' this work for everyone.

Lloyd: Any porcelain tea sets? Not for me, of course. For my sister.
Malcolm: Isn't your sister at Vassar?
Lloyd: Look, do you want the cash or not?!

Francis: Look, Lavernia may be evil, and she may be tough, but we can beat her.
Eric: How? Our lives our controlled by that ledger book of hers. Everything we do puts us deeper in debt.
Francis: This is precisely what military school prepared us for. To wage war against all authority no matter what the odds. She may be a manipulative monster, but Mom can't win every round.
Eric: Who?
Francis: Lavernia! We gotta get her back harder. We gotta where she lives. We gotta get that book!
Eric: I hate that book.
Pete: Know what book I hate? Valley of the Dolls. What kind of ending was that?

Malcolm: Okay, Stevie's looking for some Pam Grier memorabilia. If he can keep it here.
Reese: As long as he's got the money, the church doesn't care.
Malcolm: And the guy at the liquor store says he'll take the breadmaker.
Reese: You know what? We're up to $159!
Malcolm: What do you think we should do with it?
Reese: I say we buy a saddle. Once we have a saddle, Mom and Dad can't say no to the horse.

Hal: I know how this must look, officer, but I assure you I didn't steal any of these things. My boys took 'em from a church.

Lois: [answers phone] Hal, you had me worried sick! The police said they released you three hours ago! What's going on?
Hal: I know by now you've heard everything. I just think it's prudent the boys and I are disappear for a little while.
Lois: Hal, where are you?
Hal: I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to reveal that, Lois.
Man: [over P.A.] Bus #23 for Ohama is ready for boarding.
Lois: Hal, you're a middle-aged man, you can't run away from home!
Hal: Well, I have a credit card that begs to differ, Lois.
Reese: Hang up, Dad. She's tracing the call.
Lois: Don't you dare hang up that phone. Hal, you're not gonna do this. You and the boys are gonna come home right now.
Hal: And why would I do that?
Lois: Because you love me too much to run away.
Hal: That may... may be true, Lois. But maybe we're just gonna have to have a long distance relationship for a while. Some of those can work.
Lois: Hal, have you thought for even a second what your life would be like without me?
Hal: Well, no...
Lois: Do you have any idea how much you'd miss me? Do you?
Hal: Yes. Yes. I... I have some idea.
Malcolm: Dad, you're folding! He's folding!
Reese: I knew we should've paid that wino to make the call.

Hal: Er, honey? We're back.
Lois: Hey, guys. Why don't you wash up, dinner's ready. I made your favorite - meat loaf and mashed potatoes.
Dewey: OK.
Reese: Great.
Malcolm: Why isn't she mad?
[When the boys go into their room, it's been stripped of everything but the empty, basic furniture]
Dewey: What happened?
Reese: All our stuff is gone!
Lois: That's right. I gave it all to charity. You now have two changes of clothes - one for school, one for home. Something wrong?

Mrs. Potts: You boys should be so proud of yourselves! A lot of people are really going to appreciate what you're doing. You know, I'm gonna say a special prayer for you.
Dewey: Yeah. That should make us even.

Eric: I can't move!
Francis: Ten hours of scouring deep-fat friers with a 20 minute break to de-tick sled dogs... What's wrong with that woman?!
Eric: Her name's Lavernia. She controls every facet of your life. She finds out your weaknesses then she gets inside your head and makes you hate yourself! [whines]
Pete: Women! They're just like the woods. Mysterious. Full of wolves.
Eric: [sobs]
Francis: Whoa, Eric. Pull together man! It could be a lot worse. At least we're making good money.
Eric: No, we're not! You see that ledger book of hers? She charges us for everything and deducts it from our pay! Food, rent, aprons...
Pete: Hair gel.
Eric: My first check was for $6! [electrical shorting] Great. Generator's out again.
Francis: So, what are we supposed to do? Just sit around here in the dark?!
Pete: Oh, this isn't dark. Ever spent the night in a caribou's gut?
Francis: Who is this old coot?
Eric: He's my best friend here! [sobbing resumes]

Mrs. Potts: So nice of your boys to help us out like this!
Hal: We've always loved this old church. If you cut through the parking lot, you can bypass that traffic light on Sixth.
Mrs. Potts: Oh. Keep up the good work, boys!