Dewey: This in no way justifies what you said before.
Hal: Chad, I want to show you a little project I've been working on. Look at this. [Chad stops chopping with the ax] You see where I took my pen and I filled in the letters that needed to be filled in. The "O's," the "A's," the "E's," the "G's."
Chad: The "Q's," the "P's," the "D's" and the "B's"?
Hal: Of course.
Dewey: That was you?
Chad: What about the nines?
Hal: Yes.
Chad: What about the circles and the percent signs?
Hal: Absolutely. Otherwise you'll be left with that horrible feeling of uncompleteness.

Dewey: I'm sorry, Dad. I thought you were just being I mean, I had no idea you were... So how crazy are you?
Hal: Let's just say that's my third set of encyclopedias.

Malcolm: Everyone's going to hear about this.
Reese: We suck.
Malcolm: We totally suck.
Reese: I hate myself so much.
Malcolm: What is wrong with us?
Reese: Everyone else our age heard it "empty house," and we heard "haunted house."
Malcolm: Are we just socially stunted in some way that makes us hopeless?
Reese: I think half of them were really scared.
Malcolm: Yeah.