‘Billboard’
Season 6, Episode 10 - Aired February 13, 2005
When Lois catches the boys vandalizing a billboard for a strip club, they are too afraid to come down from the platform.
Quote from Lois
Malcolm: [to camera] Once every six months, Mom wakes us up at 5 a.m., shoves us into the car and makes us go to the outlet stores.
Lois: I tell you, I am never disappointed in Value Village. No other place in the county has such a selection of irregulars.
Dewey: Are these made in some country where people aren't symmetrical?
Lois: Stop complaining. If it weren't for Value Village, most of this family would have to run around naked. That place is all that separates us from the apes.
Quote from Malcolm
Reese: Oh, no. She's talking to the cops.
Malcolm: Wait, that's good. If she gets ahold of us, she'll have to beat us within the law.
Dewey: All these people showing up is making her madder and madder. Why didn't we just climb down right away? What were you thinking?
Malcolm: I don't know. I panicked.
Quote from Hal
News Reporter: Over here we have the proud mother of these three young protesters. What do you want the nation to know about your boys?
Lois: No comment.
News Reporter: So you must be the father? Can we get some comment from you?
Hal: I... I don't know that I really want to sound off.
News Reporter: How do you account for your sons' extraordinary sensitivity to women's issues?
Hal: Well, Dinah, in our house we emphasize the rights of all people. I've tried to pass along what I like to call "core values." Equality, respect, compassion, nutrition. We have something called the Clean Plate Club.
Quote from Malcolm
Lois: [answers phone] Well, you're cutting it awfully close. I gave you ten minutes, and you've taken nearly nine and a half.
Malcolm: We decided we're not coming down.
Lois: What?!
Malcolm: We discussed it as a family. See, we figure you're as mad now as you possibly can ever get. We've reached the point where nothing we do can make it any worse. So every hour we stay up here is another hour of freedom. Plus another 30 or 40 supporters added to our fan base.
Lois: Malcolm, let's set aside the fact that you know you've done wrong. Let's ignore that you're pretending to have principles you don't have just to get out of it. You have to come down sometime. And life is long.
Malcolm: That's what's nice about being young. We really don't think that far ahead. This whole thing's been kind of eye-opening. If nothing else, we've all had a lesson on the ephemeral nature of power.
Lois: Power's a funny thing. It's when you think you have it that you're in trouble.
Malcolm: Valid point. Historically. But on a philosophical level, Mom, we've already won. We're free. And no matter what happens tonight, we both know it.
Quote from Dewey
[Lois stares up at Dewey sitting up on the billboard platform]
Dewey: I think it's getting cold up here. I don't think we should do this anymore. I don't know who we think we're kidding. We're not going to be able to win this-
Reese: Dewey, don't look into her eyes!
Dewey: Huh? What just happened?
Lois: [to herself] Damn it.
Quote from Lois
Lois: I want to know what you're going to do to get my boys down.
Officer Ridley: It's a complicated situation, ma'am. We have very specific guidelines for how to deal with political protesters.
Lois: They're not political protesters. Those boys don't give a damn about women's rights! If they did, they'd clean up their rooms once in a while! This is hooliganism!
Quote from Hal
Hal: No, the life of a crusader is not an easy one, but once that fire is lit, there is no putting it out.
News Reporter: Feminism must be very important to your boys.
Hal: Meryl, please! They're not my "boys." They're my children. If you feel the need to label them, I'm sorry for you. It's high time we showed a national audience... This is national? [Meryl nods] That we're still producing heroes in this country, and three of them are up there! [applause]
Quote from Hal
Hal: And I remember my mother, smart as any man, down on her knees in the kitchen, scrubbing that floor 'til it shined. I think I was seven when I made a promise to myself and to all women...
Quote from Dewey
Dewey: I think the Green Valley Women's Collective makes better banana bread than the Feminists for Change.
Reese: According to the wrapper, we're the first male hands to touch this.
Dewey: You know, except for Mom and Dad and Francis and Jamie, I think this has really brought our family together.
Quote from Reese
Malcolm: [to camera] We have a pretty sweet deal up here. Food, drinks. Everyone of our needs is being taken care of. Everyone.
Reese: Man, they better stop sending up bran muffins. Hey, you may want to burn this basket!