Lois: [o.s.] Who's the lamebrain who left the trash cans in the middle of the driveway?!
Hal: Yes!
Lois: [enters] [groans] I hate these things.
Hal: Oh, honey, what happened?
Lois: I was standing at my cash register putting up these cute little butterfly decals, when suddenly, I got the most excruciating cramp in my leg. It was like that time Francis chomped down on me, only I couldn't turn the hose on it. You know, if they're going to fix one problem and just cause another, I don't want any part of them.
Hal: Why don't I get the foot bath ready?
Lois: It's my own damn fault for thinking there was a magic pill to give me my life back. I should have known it was too good to be true. You can't trust the banks. You can't trust your own kids. And you obviously cannot trust doctors. God, Hal, you're the only person I still have to believe in. I'm so happy I can still trust you.

[Malcolm pours syrup on his ice-cream covered head]
Dewey: Don't forget the cherry.
Malcolm: There. Happy?
Dewey: In truth, it was better conceptually.
Malcolm: Just give me my money and leave me alone.
Dewey: Tough words for a human sundae. Huh. What do you know? That's the last of it.
Malcolm: Really? That's the last of it?
Dewey: So it appears.
Malcolm: Aha! Who looks like the idiot now, huh? I've got all the money - all $148 of it - and what do you have, little man? Nothing!
Dewey: Except my self-respect, but it's hard to put a price on that. Wait, maybe I can.

Abby: Reese? You in here?
Reese: [o.s.] I have a present for you.
Abby: What?
Reese: Something I've never given another girl in my entire life. I hope you like it.
[Reese walks out of the shadows fully naked]
Abby: Reese, what the?! Oh my God, you tied a bow.
Reese: I'm giving you my innocence. I've saved myself for you, Abby. Let's not wait any longer.
Abby: I'm gay.
Reese: What?!
Abby: I like women.
Reese: Are you kidding?
Abby: No. I thought you knew. You dropped your bow.

Lois: Hal, what are you doing?
Hal: Saving our marriage!
Lois: What?!
Hal: I was- I was- I was trying to put your orthotics back together the way they were, but I... There's only so much I can take, Lois. At some point, a man has to take a stand.
Lois: What do you mean, put them back the way they were? Did you do something to my orthotics?
Hal: Yes, and I'd do it again.
Lois: Why?!
Hal: Because... Because I miss the old you. I missed the Lois who would come home racked with pain and tension and snarling like a rabid bobcat. That Lois needed me to make her feel better.
Lois: Oh, Hal.
Hal: So, now you know. Now you can go out and get new orthotics, and I'll just try to stay out of your way.

Lois: Hal, you are being ridiculous. These things are not gonna replace you. Remember that time I got that nonstick German waffle iron? I was walking on air for weeks, but it didn't last.
Hal: True.
Lois: Remember when our kids made us happy?
Hal: Oh, well, we were both just being stupid there.
Lois: But the point is, something's always gonna come up. I'll be miserable again.
Hal: You promise?
Lois: Of course. Come on. Now, I am gonna get another pair, Hal.
Hal: Fine, but I don't want to know about 'em. And keep them out of our bedroom.

Dewey: It's not fair. You owe me ten dollars, Malcolm. You promised to pay me back a month ago.
Malcolm: Dewey, it seems to me you're the only one holding onto this. The rest of us have moved on.
Reese: Yeah, you keep hounding people. Pretty soon, no one's going to want to borrow money from you.

Lois: That rim's a little loose.
Reese: Mom, how did you do that?
Lois: Orthotics, boys. They can change your life. Give me a hand with the groceries, Malcolm.
Malcolm: I might as well. I don't think I'll be playing basketball ever again.

Hal: I'll be damned if I'm gonna call that washing machine repairman again. I could only find the Japanese version of the manual, but I think I get the gist of it.
Lois: It's all taken care of, honey.
Hal: What? What do you mean?
Lois: After dinner, I felt so energized, I thought I'd take a look. Turns out one of Jamie's toys was jammed between the drum and the housing. Isn't that wonderful I don't have to bother you with all this anymore?
[Hal jealously watches as Lois cleans her orthotics]

[As Malcolm sits on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and watches TV, Dewey sits down and changes the channel]
Dewey: Hold it. You're not going anywhere. [pays Malcolm]
Malcolm: You don't even like this show.
Dewey: What's more important is, you don't either. Oh, good, a sing-a-long. Nice and loud now.

Lois: Have I told you how much I love my orthotics?
Hal: Yes. You made up a little song about them at dinner, remember? Are you coming to bed?
Lois: Oh, I can't. I'm just too up to sleep.
Hal: Well, if you're really looking to release some tension, I guess there's something I could do for you. If you ask nicely.
Lois: Hal, you are sweet, but I'm going to take a rain check. I'm jogging on down to the high school to run a few laps. Hold these while I get my running shoes.