Marshall: He's just staring into her eyes.
Lily: I don't know. We used to be even more nauseatingly into each other than Ted and Victoria. Now look at us.
Marshall: Yeah. Now we just make fun of people like that. It's the circle of life.
Lily: No, I'm serious, Marshall. I mean, we couldn't even get it up to go on our big trip. And now we're celebrating our anniversary stuck in a bathroom.
Marshall: Well, it's not fair to compare us to Ted and Victoria. This is their first time.
Lily: Yeah, but we could still have some more romance. Now, you just say, "Want to do it?" And I say, "Yeah."
Marshall: Want to...
Lily: No!

Lily: Baby, there's something I have to do, and if I do it in front of you, it'll change the entire nature of our relationship.
Marshall: What is it?
Lily: I have to pee.

Marshall: This is bad.
Lily: Yeah.
Marshall: We've gone nine years without peeing in front of each other. You always think there'll be more time.
Lily: Look at us. We're basically an old married couple, and we're not even married yet. The flame of our romance is flickering, and if I pee all over it, it might go out forever.
Marshall: How much longer do you think you can hold it?
Lily: I drank a Big Gulp of Mountain Dew during that Quantum Leap marathon.
Marshall: Oh, boy.

Robin: Oh, my God. I love your jeans.
Woman: Okay. Is this a lesbian bar? Because that girl with the blue shirt just...
Robin: Oh, no. I am all about the dudes. Although pickings are pretty slim tonight. Only hot guy here is blondie in the suit, and he's playing hard to get.
Woman: Really? 'Cause he's totally vibing me right now. Must be the jeans.
Robin: Well, jeans will only get you so far. I'm going home with him.
Woman: [laughs] We'll see about that.
Robin: Oh! [mouths to Barney] You're welcome.

Lily: Oh, my God, I hate Ted. I hate him so much.
Marshall: Baby, why don't you just go? Tons of other couples have peed in front of each other.
Lily: No, but we haven't, because I want to keep some of the mystery alive.
Marshall: Well, you have farted in front of me.
Lily: Yes, but I always cover it with a cough.
Marshall: You always do.

Robin: You know, Barney, I had a surprisingly good time bro-ing out tonight.
Barney: Well, you make a good bro. You're a better Ted than Ted. Hey, in fact, you have just earned yourself an invite to Marshall's bachelor party. And you don't even have to come out of the cake.
Robin: Thanks. And, um, thanks for sticking around tonight. I hope you're ready for some hard-core Battleship. Come on, boys.
Barney: Hard-core? That's the only way I play. [Barney strips down]

Marshall: Well, we still have one frontier left. Still got the deuce.
Lily: Not making me feel better.
Marshall: Well, it certainly was a first.
Lily: It was, wasn't it? We still have firsts.
Marshall: Of course we do. And you know what, I actually feel closer to you now. I want to know you. Like, know your soul.
Lily: Marshall, what makes you cry?
Marshall: This moment... is fleeting because it's being chased by another moment.
Lily: Oh, just grab my boob already.
Ted: [enters] Come on, guys, get a room.