Barney: Hey. Did the cold wake you?
Dawn: No,I've just been watching you sleep.
Barney: Oh, did you try and take a shower? I'm sorry, I only have one clean towel.
Dawn: I don't buy into the myth that we need to shower every day.
Barney: Okay. I'd offer you some coffee, but I don't have any, so you're gonna have to...
Dawn: I'm boycotting coffee. You may as well drink the tears of a Colombian peasant farmer. God, I love this place. Good thing I don't have a job because I could stay here all day.
Barney: I think I left something on the bookshelf. Whoops. Oh, no, oh, look! Oh, I'm disgusting.
Dawn: Wow, you're open about your sexuality and that's one of the reasons I love you. Did I just say that? Oh well. Cat's out of the bag. I love you.
Barney: Whoa, uh, okay. Beep beep. Backing up, um...

Ted: Mamma Mia!?
Marshall: Mamma Mia!. You know what? It's supposed to be a great musical, okay? It won all sorts of Tony's and stuff.
Ted: No, totally. It sounds like a really, really fun, exciting, third date.
Robin: Ooh, third date. You know what that means. [imitates bed squeaking]
Marshall: It is not a date, okay. It's just two bros taking in a Broadway show.
Ted: You bros going to get dinner beforehand?
Marshall: We might grab a steak, yeah.
Ted: Uh-huh. Where at?
Marshall: Café l'amour. [Ted and Robin laugh] Brad says the food is really good there, okay?

Barney: Can you pass the arts and leisure? [the woman does; Barney repeats loudly] Can you pass the arts and leisure?
Woman: I just did.
Lily: [enters] Honey, I'm... Barney, what the hell is going on here?
Barney: Lily, I can explain...
Lily: How could you? In our own home? [Lily slaps Barney] You bastard!
Woman: I'm so sorry. I- I didn't know he had...
Lily: Just get out. This is what I get after I worked as a stripper for four years to put you through medical school? I got breast implants for you. I... [the woman leaves] I was just about to turn on the tears.
Barney: Brava. That was incredible. And that slap was genius. You did not hold back.
Lily: Yeah, that I just always wanted to do.
Barney: Fair enough.

Barney: All right, I'm going to head out, hit the bars. What are you going to do tonight?
Lily: Oh, I was just going to watch "Letterman" but, God this bed is so comfy. I wish you had a TV in here. [Barney turns on another wall-sized TV] Okay, seriously, what do you do for a living?
Barney: [chuckles] Please.

Lily: That's what you think a relationship is?
Barney: You were supposed to be the vaccine, but you gave me the disease. You gotta go.
Lily: Barney. I don't think you're mad at me. You're mad at yourself. You let down your guard, and let someone into your life, and... And it actually felt okay. And that terrifies you.
Barney: Uh-uh. You gotta go.
Lily: Hey, you can't just kick me out! I put a lot of work into this place, and I've grown accustomed to a certain standard of living.
Barney: "A certain standard of living"? You didn't pay a single...
Future Ted: [v.o.] And so Mr. and Mrs. Stinson, after two weeks of marriage, decided to call it quits. Fortunately, they reached a settlement. And that's the story of how Aunt Lily furnished her apartment.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Your Uncle Barney was always a bit of an enigma. In all the years we lived in New York, none of us had ever set foot in his apartment. Until one day, one of us did.
[Barney wakes up with Lily in his bed]
Barney: [screams]
Lily: [screams]
Future Ted: It's a pretty good story. And believe it or not, alcohol did not play a role. It all started two weeks earlier at Lily's housewarming.

Ted: Hey, cool Murphy bed.
Lily: Yeah, it's kind of a mess. I didn't make my bed this morning, so...
[Ted lowers the bed. The room is too small for the bed to fully drop down]
Robin: Oh! You know what? I bet sleeping at this angle is good for you. For some reason.
Ted: Hold on, I got it.
[Ted struggles to get the bed to retract back into the wall; A neighbor complains in a foreign language]
Lily: That was "something, something, I am going to something you like a something donkey."
Robin: Uh. Other cultures.
Lily: Hey, let's break out the fruit basket. Hey, who ate all the...? [mouse squeaks]

Marshall: I got these tickets like months ago for me and Lily and now I can't find anyone to go with me. This is what I miss about being in a couple. I always had someone to go to concerts with, or farmer's market, or brunch. God, I miss brunch!
Ted: Well, I guess you could - well, you could try going to brunch alone.
Marshall: Oh, you don't think I've tried?
[flashback:]
Marshall: Table for one.
Head waiter: One... Couple?
Marshall: Um, no, just me.
Head waiter: Really? For brunch?
Marshall: You're right. Who am I kidding? [exits]

Robin: Oh, the Popover Pantry! That place is great. Can we go get brunch tomorrow?
Ted: Of course, sweetie.
Marshall: Can I go with you guys?
Ted: Really? For brunch?
Marshall: God, I hate being single!

[flashback:]
Brad: Bro, Alanis Morissette rocks!
Marshall: Totally! I can't believe I almost didn't come tonight.
Brad: Let me guess: you bought the tickets for you and Lily right before she dumped you.
Marshall: Yeah, how'd you know?
Brad: I just got dumped myself.
Marshall: What? Kara broke up with you? I'm sorry, man. That sucks. Brad, do you like brunch?