Robin: This isn't working. You shouldn't be here.
Lily: I get it. Because I'm happily married, I'm some kind of loser?
Robin: Exactly the opposite. Why do you think the Woo Girls have to woo when they win a game of beer pong, or when a hot guy takes his shirt off? It's because that is as good as life gets for them. They're really sad people. And, when they hang out with someone who's got it all figured out... someone like you... it bums them out. It takes away their woo.
Lily: You're just saying that so I don't feel like an old married lady.
Robin: Look at those girls, Lily. Look at them and listen to what their woo's are really saying.
[Titles: "I cry in the shower!" "I've never been on a second date!" "What if I nerve get to be a Mom?!" "I'm secretly in love with Jillian!"]
Ted: Woo! ["My career and love life are heading nowhere!"]
Lily: Oh, those poor girls... and Ted.

Robin: Lily, right now I'm like them. I'm unemployed, I'm single, I'm a little lost. So every once in a while, I need to woo, but when I need to talk about something real, you're the one I turn to. You're my best friend.
Lily: And you're mine. And I promise I'll make more time for just us. Marshall doesn't have to tag along to everything we do.
Marshall: Hey, have you guys tried these purple hooter test tube shots? I've had five of 'em. And I don't even think there's alcohol in here.
Lily: Where'd you get that hat?
Marshall: What hat?

Barney: Hey, we fired Sven.
Ted: What?
Barney: Yeah, those guys were idiots. I mean, sure, they had some cool ideas, some really cool ideas. Actually,
I wonder if it's not too late to... No! The point is, you got the job.
Ted: Really?
Barney: Yeah, the search committee realized they made the wrong decision. Plus, you really mean a lot to them and they want you to be happy.
Ted: That's weird.
Barney: Look, Ted, your design was the best, and you deserve it. There's also something that you should know about why you didn't get the job in the first place. You see, Ted...
Marshall: It was Bilson. Yeah, yeah. Bilson just wanted to have an office in a dinosaur head, but Barney convinced him that it was really, really stupid.
Barney: Well, you know.
Ted: Thank you, Barney.

Ted: I can't believe this. I just got our firm the biggest account we've ever had. Woo! [title: "Now only my
love life's a disaster!"]

Barney: Why'd you let me off the hook?
Marshall: You did the right thing. Seemed like you deserved a bye. Plus, it would have really bummed
Ted out, and he's finally happy right now.
Barney: Yeah. Wow, you really are Ted's best friend. And so am I. It's a tie. Thanks, Marshall.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Marshall wound up caving and telling me the truth about Barney, like, ten minutes later, at which point we tied Uncle Barney to the mechanical bull, cranked it up to a setting called "Paint Mixer" and went home.
Ted: I love you, man.
Barney: Love you, too, buddy.
Ted: Hey, you going to ride the bull tonight?
Barney: Not if you paid me. I have an inner ear thing.
Future Ted: [v.o.] It was a pretty great night.

Barman: Three hours. That's a bull record.
Barney: That's right, ladies. [Barney stumbles off the bull and falls to the floor]
Stacey: Jillian, you know what would be really crazy, and funny, and stupid to do tonight? If you and me find a guy and have a three-way.
[Barney stands up and tries to walk towards them. He falls back to the floor.]
Jillian: Maybe. If we found the right guy.
Stacey: Yeah, and, if we don't find the right guy. Maybe you and I could just...
Jillian: You know who's really cute? That guy Ted. Let's go find him.
[Barney stands up again, but falls over as he tries to go after Jillian and Stacey]