Ted: I can't believe you're accusing me to be too hard on him. You're the one who said tough love.
Robin: Yeah, tough love, not hand the guy a noose.
Ted: Oh, but it's okay to hand him a 9 mm? Yeah. He told me. So you're a gun nut?
Robin: No, I'm a gun enthusiast.
Ted: Do you know how many people are killed each year in accidents
Robin: The Second Amendment protects my right to bear arms...
Ted: Alright, alright.

Ted: So you knocked out Lily's new boyfriend?
Marshall: Yeah. It wasn't Lily's boyfriend.
Ted: What? Who was he?
Future Ted: [v.o.] His name was Joey Adalian. He went by a number of aliases as an identity thief. Apparently, earlier in the summer...
[flashback:]
Lily: Oh, this is so embarrassing. I could've sworn I have some change. I know, I know, I'm sorry. Oh, here we go. No that's, that's a button... It was a button. Do you take credit cards?
Joey Adalian: Yes, I do.
[back:]
Ted: So Lily is not back in town and she doesn't have a boyfriend. That's good news, right?
Marshall: Yeah. I don't know. Those credit card charges were the only remaining connection I had to her. I don't know where she is or what she's doing. She was my whole life man and now she's... She's gone.

Ted: You know, first day at college, I showed up, I was so freaked out and I got up to my room and there was my roommate, lying on the bed with his feet up on the wall. He had headphones on, a big smile on his face like he just didn't give a crap. Happy. Confident. Not afraid of anything. That guy was you. You before you met Lily.
Marshall: Ted.
Ted: Yeah.
Marshall: I was high that day. I was. I was so high I thought you were the dean.
Ted: What I'm saying is, there's a version of you without Lily and... It's not this. You can't let Lily seal your identity the way that guy stole hers.

Marshall: Okay. Resolved. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to start being okay. Cheers.
Ted: Cheers.
Future Ted: [v.o.] But it wasn't. 'cause that's not how life works. The next day he found one of her socks or something and we were back to square one. And then, one morning...
Robin: Ted. Ted, I think you should see this.
Ted: Oh, what now? Marshall? What are you doing?
Marshall: It's Sunday. It's pancakes day.
Future Ted: [v.o.] It took him 67 days and one really disgusting batch of pancakes... But Marshall had come back from the dead. Because while baseball, strippers and guns can help, the only thing that can really heal a broken heart is time.