‘Weekend at Barney's’
Season 8, Episode 18 - Aired February 25, 2013
After Ted and Jeanette break up, Barney tries to help him meet someone else by using tricks from The Playbook, which Robin thought had been destroyed. Meanwhile, Marshall tries to support Lily at an art exhibit.
Quote from Barney
Marshall: This is the life. We got the three B's. Beach, booze and bodacious babes.
Ted: I don't know. I'm starting to think we should call the police.
Marshall: Oh, would you relax? We've got it made. One whole week at his bodacious beach house, no strings attached.
Ted: Well, there is one string attached.
Woman: Hi, Barney.
[Ted pulls a string to make Barney's arm wave]
Ted & Marshall: Bodacious.
[Barney jolts up in bed:]
Barney: "Weekend at Barney's!"
Robin: What is it? What's wrong?
Barney: The plays, Robin, the plays. The ingenious techniques I used as a bachelor to pick up busty dullards. They just keep coming to me, I can't turn them off.
Quote from Ted
Ted: Your wedding response card, as promised.
Robin: Why didn't you just mail it like everybody else?
Ted: Oh, see, that's sad, Robin. You should be touched that I hand-delivered it. Has social media so eroded our interpersonal relationships that we no longer wish to experience the...
Robin: You wanted to keep the stamp?
Ted: They're 46 cents now. It's getting out of hand.
Quote from Barney
Robin: Okay, Barney, let me ease your mind, okay?
Barney: All right, here we go.
Robin: Remember when you set your Playbook on fire? That was the moment I realized you were someone I could marry.
Barney: And I'd burn it again if I could. You're right. I'm done with all these plays. Besides, there's no way I'll ever come up with anything that tops "Weekend at Barney's".
[later, Barney jolts up in bed again:]
Barney: "Weekend at Barney's Two!"
Robin: Damn it, Barney!
Quote from Barney
Lily: So, there's this big gallery opening tonight.
Robin: Oh, we'd love to, but we've got this...
Barney: Genesis reunion, Madison Square Garden, front row. It's gonna be legend...
Lily: I wasn't inviting you guys.
Barney: Oh, thank God. There is no concert. [rips tickets]
Quote from Barney
Barney: Look, I don't want you getting back with Jeanette. Ted, what is my one rule?
Ted: You can tell how old a girl is by her elbows?
Barney: My other one rule.
Ted: Flaxseed relieves upset stomach?
Barney: My other one rule.
Ted: Always have a fake pair of concert tickets in your pocket in case Lily invites you to something stupid?
Barney: My other one rule.
Ted: Lebanese girls sprint to third base and then stay there?
Barney: My other one rule.
Ted: New is always better.
Barney: New is always better!
Quote from Barney
Barney: Exactly, Ted. You want to invite a date to our wedding, it is not gonna be Jeanette. It is gonna be someone new. And I am gonna help you find her with a little help from...
[later, at MacLaren's:]
Barney: The Playbook.
Ted: The Playbook? Didn't you burn that?
Barney: Oh, I didn't burn the real one. That was the ceremonial playbook for parades, mall openings, inaugurations, stuff like that.
Ted: That's a pretty big secret to keep from Robin.
Barney: Which is exactly why I'm trusting you, my best bro, to never let her know that the Playbook still exists. Pinky swear?
Quote from Marshall
Marshall: Hey, excuse me. Listen. Do you think that you would enjoy a show featuring Donatello, Raphael, Michelangelo and Leonardo? [Sound like you're a fan of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Gotcha. Skin it. He will get that on the drive home.
Future Ted: [v.o.] He didn't.
Quote from Marshall
Lily: As the captain's new art buyer, I have to go schmooze this up-and-coming artist, Strickland Stevens, so we get first dibs on all his new stuff.
Marshall: And I'll be helping Lily seal the deal by impressing the intelligentsia with some art-related hilarity. I've prepared some jokes. "Why couldn't the art dealer pay his rent?"
Robin: I don't know. Why?
Barney: This is gonna be rough.
Marshall: Because he ran out of Monet. You're gonna get that on the walk home. How about this one?
Robin: You know what, we'd... We'd love to hear it, but we've got that... that...
Barney: Steely Dan, Carnegie Hall, backstage pass. Let's go. We don't want to miss whatever their big song was.
Quote from Robin
Robin: "Your invitation is joyfully accepted by Mr. Ted Mosby and Jeanette."
All: [groan]
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, as you'll recall, Jeanette was the last girl I dated before I met your mother. My friends only had one tiny problem with her. She was nuts.
Barney: So you're bringing a plus one?
Robin: If you count the voices in her head, it's plus five.
Quote from Ted
Ted: Guys, I'm bringing her, and you're gonna love having her there. Oh, and... by the way, just so this doesn't turn into an argument later, the dress she's gonna wear isn't technically white, it's eggshell. The shoes are white, though. And the gloves. And the veil. Well, see you guys.