‘Twin Beds’
Season 5, Episode 21 - Aired May 3, 2010
After a weekend away, Marshall and Lily decide it's more comfortable to sleep in separate beds. Meanwhile, as Robin considers taking her relationship with Don to the next level, Barney and Ted start to feel they want to be with her again.
Quote from Ted
Future Ted: [v.o.] So, when Barney and Robin broke up the previous fall...
[flashback to fall 2009:]
Barney: Dating Robin was a huge mistake.
Ted: Write that down.
Barney: What?
Ted: Write yourself a letter. That way, when you miss Robin, and you will, you can remind yourself why you broke up.
Barney: Gladly. "Dear Future Barney..."
Ted: Ooh!
Barney: This ink is cool.
Ted: Right? Right?
Quote from Marshall
Don: I hope you like sushi.
Robin: How cool is it that Don makes sushi? He learned while on assignment in Japan.
Barney: Mmm. Ringworm-ilicious.
Quote from Barney
Ted: Barney, be nice. You only want her 'cause you can't have her. It's like if I said you can sit anywhere in this room except that chair. Are you so petty that...
Barney: [sits down] My chair! My chair!
Quote from Barney
Lily: Oh, spicy tuna with jalapeno! My favorite!
Don: Mine, too. I love spicy food. The hotter the better.
Barney: I love spicy stuff, too, guy. Probably more than you do. Check it. [eats a raw green pepper]
Don: Don't...
Barney: Mmm. Super mild. Aah. [jerking] I'm not feeling it.
Quote from Marshall
Marshall: Hey, Lily, you won't believe it, it's the craziest thing. Don has twin beds, too.
Lily: Oh, my God! We just got twin beds.
Don: Oh, Oh. Great, great.
Lily: Well, wait, that "great" didn't sound so great.
Don: Well, my ex-wife and I thought they'd be a good idea, but we just started to drift apart. So...
Marshall: Yeah, but I bet you didn't have another bed just for sex.
Don: No, but she did at her personal trainer's house.
Quote from Barney
Barney: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Tokyo Don, you ever do this back in Japan? [scoops up a handful of Wasabi and puts it on his tongue] Wasabi!
Don: I wouldn't, Barney, no.
Robin: Hey. Oh, my God, Barney?
Barney: [chokes]
Marshall: Awesome!
Ted: Give him some milk!
Robin: Spit it out, Barney! Spit it out!
Don: Oh, we're out of milk. But thanks for the reminder, Robin.
Lily & Marshall: Aw.
Quote from Barney
Ted: Well, I hope you're happy.
Barney: Hey, I stand by what I did. It was bold and romantic.
Ted: You soiled yourself from both ends of your body.
Quote from Ted
Ted: [reading] "Dear Ted, Robin is the perfect girl for you. But she doesn't wanna be in a serious relationship. You need someone who wants to settle down, so until Robin's ready for that next step, she's not your girl. Still, I'll always remember stealing her the blue French horn, our first kiss, the look in her eye when she told me she loved me." Damn it. Now I want her back.
Quote from Barney
Future Ted: [v.o.] So, that night, your Uncle Barney and I sat down to have a calm, rational discussion, about who deserved Robin more.
Barney: No!
Ted: I stole her a blue French horn! I dated her for a year! I wanted her to be the mother of my children and spend eternity in her arms.
Barney: See, I wanna have sex with her at least one more time! She is mine!
Ted: She's not yours! And she's not mine, either. She's Don's.
Barney: You're right. We got to get rid of that guy.
Ted: Yeah. Yeah.
Barney: You know, figuratively.
Ted: Of course.
Barney: Or literally. Oh, my God, Ted, this is how it starts! This is how it starts! I'm scared, Teddy, I'm scared, Teddy!
Ted: [shushing] Two guys talking. Just two guys talking.