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Twin Beds

‘Twin Beds’

Season 5, Episode 21 -  Aired May 3, 2010

After a weekend away, Marshall and Lily decide it's more comfortable to sleep in separate beds. Meanwhile, as Robin considers taking her relationship with Don to the next level, Barney and Ted start to feel they want to be with her again.

Quote from Lily

Marshall: I don't think human beings were ever meant to sleep in the same bed. Somehow sex and sleep got all jumbled together, but they're two different things.
Lily: I know. I mean, I love you, but I want this new bed to be a sanctuary for sleep and sleep alone.
Marshall: Me, too. And some light snacking, but that's it. Hey, you know what we should get? We should get a third bed just for sex.
Lily: Yes! A sex bed! A dirty, dirty sex bed!
Marshall: It's genius. That way each bed would have a specific purpose.
Lily: Exactly. We'll have two sleep beds, a sex bed, and I'm thinking a bean bag chair, just for special birthday stuff.
Marshall: Baby, did we just revolutionize modern marriage?
Lily: Damn straight!
[Lily and Marshall try to high five each other, but they can't reach. They do finger guns and click their tongues instead.]


Quote from Marshall

Lily: Marshall, I'm worried. I don't wanna get divorced.
Marshall: Oh, baby. Honey, that's Don. That's not us. Our new sleeping arrangement is only gonna bring us closer together. Now get out of my bed.
Lily: Can we at least push them together?
Marshall: Sure. Oh, you meant the beds. No, I don't wanna do that.

Quote from Marshall

Marshall: Baby, I love you more than life itself. But you're a million degrees. Honestly, I'm surprised your hourly pee breaks aren't just steam.
Lily: Well, you're no picnic in bed, either. Oh, except for the food and the ants. But, well, I still wanna be next to you.
Marshall: Why? So you can kick me and slap me all night? I swear to God, the second you fall asleep, it's like you grow extra limbs. It's like spooning with a Hindu deity, Ganesh!
Lily: Wanna push them together?
Marshall: You still talking about the beds?
Lily: Nope.
Marshall: Get over here.

Quote from Barney

Barney: So, what's going on with Robin?
Ted: You were right. She was just mad. It's been four days, she hasn't said another word about moving out. But listen, we can never pull crap like that ever again.
Barney: Agreed. In fact, I even wrote myself another letter. "Dear Future Barney, you think you want Robin back again, but you really don't. Let her go. Sincerely, Past Barney."
Ted: Let me see that.
Barney: Hey, hey, give it to me.
Ted: All right, all right, "P.S. That top part was just for Ted. Did he buy it? Good. Now get back together with Robin. But don't mention your plan to Ted, 'cause he'll just screw it up again." And then there's more drawings of boobs.
Barney: Okay, okay. In my defense, how great are boobs?

Quote from Barney

Robin: And that would be Barney.
Ted: He means well. Well, actually, I'm not sure that's true.
Don: I think he's awesome. But I feel bad for any woman with the kind of low self-esteem who would actually date a guy like that.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And that's when I realized Robin never told Don she had dated Barney.
Barney: I like you, Don. We both love a good Scotch. We both enjoy my compelling stories. And we both dated Robin.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Now he knew.

Quote from Ted

Robin: I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth in the first place.
Don: No, I acted like a total drama queen. That's not offensive, right?
Ted: Still not gay.

Quote from Robin

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, your Aunt Robin had only been dating Don a short while, when one evening, out of nowhere...
Don: Robin?
Robin: Hmm.
Don: Do you wanna move in?
Robin: [stuttering] Well, it's kind of soon, but, sure, I would consider moving in here. Just let me think about it.
Don: No, I meant do you wanna move in on the couch so I could sit down?
Robin: Yeah. That's what I meant, too. Like I said, just let me think about it. ... Yeah, I'm okay with that.
Don: But now that you mentioned it, do you wanna move in?

Quote from Barney

Lily: So, what did you say?
Robin: I'm considering it.
Barney: You're considering it?
Robin: Yeah.
Barney: You barely know him. Plus, the guy's a loser with a dead-end job.
Robin: We have the same job, Barney.
Barney: And we couldn't be prouder of you, angel.

Quote from Barney

Don: So, Barney's your ex and you still hang out with him? I got to say I'm a little uncomfortable with that.
Robin: Oh, look, don't be. It's like we never dated.
Barney: Long story short, this exchange student's arms gave out, and we both fell, ass over sex swing. Seriously, I have not been able to find a girl who can do that position since Robin.

Quote from Barney

Don: I came to apologize to all of you. I overreacted.
Barney: Well, we owe you an apology, too, Don. We said some pretty hurtful things.
Don: No, you didn't.
Barney: Right, right, that was after you left.

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