Ryan: Here she is. "Supersonic Tonic."
Lily: No. This is a keg. I need a six-pack.
Ryan: A keg's all I got.
Lily: We'll take the keg.
Ranjit: What? Oh, no. Last time I had one of these in the car, I wound up chipping dried vomit off the seat with a putty knife.
Lily: I'm sorry, Ranjit, but this is a ritual and I am bringing him this beer. [struggles to lift the keg] If you could just put it in the car... I'll give you 50 bucks.
Ranjit: To the Town Car. [picks up the keg with ease and runs out of the store]

Marshall: Ted, that stuff was fun when we were younger, but we've grown past that. As we mature, the relationship matures with us.
Ted: But I mean, you guys are such an inspiration to the rest of us, how you're so devoted and connected. I look at you guys, and that's all I want in the whole world.
Barney: Ted, there's two college girls outside, and they look easy!
[Ted runs out of MacLaren's with Barney]

Ted: So, Arizona... You know, I've always wanted to see what an Arizona driver's license looks like.
Barney: I already ran that play, bro. They're 21. We're good.
Ted: Thank god.

Barney: Ted, what the hell is the matter with you? We're not gonna go see them play.
Ted: Why not?
Barney: If we see them play, we're no better than the bleach-blonde bimbos who flash their boobs at a Van Halen concert.
Ted: Yeah, but don't those girls get to have sex with Van Halen after the show?
Barney: If you want to have sex with Van Halen, do it on your own time, Ted. We are not the maybe-we-can-come-see-you-play guys. We're the other guys, the older guys who never showed up and whose approval they now crave.
Ted: So we're their dads?
Barney: Exactly.
Ted: Okay.

Barney: Ted, have you gone completely insane? We don't want their phone numbers.
Ted: [sarcastically] Yeah. I don't know what I was doing. I guess I panicked out there.
Barney: When you exchange numbers with a chick you give them the ability to call and cancel. If you set a date without a number, they have to show up. Check and mate! The only digits I need are these. Honka.
Ted: Are you still their dad?

Barney: So, why don't we just meet here tomorrow night around 10:00.
Melissa: I think it's supposed to snow. What do we do if there's a blizzard?
Barney: Either way, we'll be here.
Ted: "Snow" problem.
Barney: Excuse us just one last second.
[inside MacLaren's:]
Ted: What is the problem now?!
Barney: Nice one.

Barney: All right, we'll see you tomorrow night.
Melissa: Totally.
Amanda:Awesome!
Barney: [mockingly] "Totally. Awesome!" Man, these college chicks sound stupid.
Ted: Totally.
Barney: Awesome.

Barney: So, here's the thing: tomorrow night, dress to move; it's gonna be a mess!
Ted: I still think we should've gotten their numbers.
Barney: You always assume something is gonna go wrong. Ted, I promise you, nothing is gonna go wrong. Hey, it's starting to snow.

Robin: Thanks for coming by. I monkeyed around with the thermostat for about an hour before I realized it was the intercom.
Marshall: Yeah, I heard you swearing downstairs.

Robin: Hey, so, uh, Lily's flight's coming in tonight. You're really not gonna go pick her up?
Marshall: Robin, Robin, like I said, as we mature, our relationship matures with us.
Robin: Yeah, well, if I know your wife, she's gonna get you that six-pack anyway.
[in Marshall's imagination, Lily is in the baggage claim:]
Lily: Marshall? Marshall?
Man: [approaches Lily, speaks in a French accent] Puget Stout. A most exquisite Seattle microbrew. And speaking of six-packs
Lily: Oh! [walks off with the man]