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Third Wheel

‘Third Wheel’

Season 3, Episode 3 -  Aired October 8, 2007

When Ted has a chance at a threesome he isn't sure what to do. Meanwhile, Robin needs help on a date.

Quote from Robin

Robin: Where's the shaving cream?
Waitress: Well, you didn't ask me for shaving cream.
Robin: Well, it was implied. Who buys a razor without buying shaving cream?
Waitress: Well, who doesn't shave their legs for her date?
Robin: Well, who's not getting a tip because of her attitude?
Waitress: Well, here's a little tip for you. Shave your legs before you leave the house, Sasquatch.

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Quote from Barney

Lily: "I'll get your coats?"
Ted: I don't know why I said that. Why did I say that? It's the opposite of what I meant. I wanna take clothes off them, not put more on.
Marshall: Ted, you're ruining this for everyone.
Barney: Leave him alone! Sometimes even the greatest warriors shoot themselves in the foot.
Lily: What are you talking about?
Barney: If you must know, it wasn't a freak beverage malfunction that stopped me from riding the tricycle that night.
[flashback to Barney in the living room with two women:]
Blonde Woman: So, Barney, why don't we take this party to a more horizontal location?
[Barney gets nervous and sweaty as he imagines the belt. Barney's knee moves and knocks over the wine glass.]
Barney: Oh no, the night's ruined!
Brunette Woman: No, baby, it's not.
Barney: Yes it is. Whatever this night was heading towards is ruined. Where's my coat?

Quote from Barney

Ted: Wait, wait wait, a remote control fire place? We don't have a remote control fire place.
Barney: Right, that's my apartment. Dressing gown's mine too. Damn, this should be me.

Quote from Barney

Ted: Why would I want to tire them out?
[present:]
Barney: That's your excuse to unleash pretext for physical contact number one.
[fantasy:]
Rachel: You give the most amazing foot massage.
Ted: It's 'cause I used to practice all the time on my grandmother.
Ted: Why in God's name would I say that?
[present:]
Barney: It's endearing, you're a caregiver. Never take family values out of the equation.

Quote from Ted

[fantasy:]
Trudy: Ted, what's wrong?
Ted: I was just thinking about this documentary I saw once about something called a supervolcano. [to camera] OK, what the hell.
[present:]
Barney: OK, wait for it.
[fantasy:]
Ted: Could happen at any time and obliterate all life on earth, which is why I live by three simple words. Don't postpone joy.

Quote from Ted

Barney: So, what happened next? Did you do it?
Ted: Doesn't seem right to talk about it.
Barney: What? No! Tell me. Don't tell me because you don't have to because you didn't do it.
[Ted shrugs]
Barney: You didn't do it. You did it. You did it, didn't you? Did you?
[Ted shrugs]
Barney: You didn't do it. Yes, you did. You did. No, you... Just tell me!
Ted: Some stories you tell, some stories you don't.
Barney: Because you didn't do it. He didn't do it. You did it, you did it, you did it. Tell me, did you? [Ted is silent] Ted, belt.
Barney: [lifts up belt] Did you? Did you? Or didn't you? [Ted remains silent] Did? Tell me. You know if he did it?

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