Barney: But you said I rocked your world. All subsequent worlds that I rocked were only so rocked because of the confidence I earned from said first world rocking.
Rhonda: Sorry, Barry.
Barney: It's Barney.

Ted: Hey, buddy. Still bummed about the whole Rhonda thing?
Barney: No. Why would I let the approval of one woman define who I am?
Robin: That's very mature of you, Barney.
Ted: Let him finish.
Barney: When I can let the approval of a gaggle of supermodels define who I am. What? What? Three tickets to the after party of the Victoria's Secret fashion show? Uh, kablammie!

Barney: Okay, this, boys, is not a regular season game. This is the World Series. So remember, we work together. We're a team. And if anyone sees Heidi Klum, dibs.

Ted: Hey, it's a nice party, huh?
Woman #1: Yeah, it's great. Do you guys work for the company?
Barney: Yeah, it's called "I'm Gonna Get In Your Panties, Incorporated."
Woman #2: Gross!

Barney: Model. Model.
Woman #1: Hi.
Barney: I know, right? This party is legend- Wait for it... [long silence]
Woman #2: Uh, how long do we have to wait for it?
Woman #1: I think he's having a stroke.

Barney: Thanks for coming. Heidi Klum, I'm Barney.
Heidi Klum: Hi, Barney. Nice to meet you.
Barney: [gibberish]
Heidi Klum: Is he okay?
Ted: Uh, he has the yips. Hasn't been able to hit on a woman all night.
Heidi Klum: He has the yips? Ooh, that's bad. You know, in Germany, we call this [long German word]. Whoa, that is bad.

Ted: He just found out that the woman he lost his virginity to only did it because his brother bribed her.
Heidi Klum: Ooh, that's a rough one. I mean, the only thing I can think of to get rid of [long German word] is you have to go out there. And you need to find that woman. And you need to earn it with her for real. That is the only way how you can find yourself. I see little hamburgers! I love little hamburgers. Wiedersehen.

Lily: Hey, Barney, it's weird not seeing you in a suit. What's going on?
Barney: Uh, not much. My entire sexual history was built on a rotting foundation of lies. My whole identity is lost in a pit of menthol ashes. [upbeat] Work is good.

Barney: Rhonda.
Rhonda: I saw your friend Ted at the gym. After he puked and cleared the line at the smoothie bar, he said you were kinda having a tough time.
Barney: Did you change your mind about having love, making sex, penis vagina? What is the matter with me?
Rhonda: Oh, honey...
Barney: I just, I don't get it. You slept with so many guys. You slept with my brother. We are practically the same person. Was I really so bad?
Rhonda: Nobody's good the first time.
Barney: But I was. At least I thought I was.
Rhonda: Oh, Barney, you know what? Sex isn't everything. When is the last time you had a conversation with a woman with no intention of scoring with her?
Barney: I sat next to former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright at a benefit once. I certainly didn't intend to hit that.

Rhonda: Yeah, well, I tell you what. Sleeping with me again isn't gonna solve anything.
Barney: I don't know what else is.
Rhonda: I think I know.
[later, Barney and Rhonda plays cards as they did when he was younger:]
Barney: Do you have any kings?
Rhonda: No, go fish. See, Barney, isn't it nice to just sit and have a evening with a woman, no agenda? Just make nice conversation?
Barney: No.
Rhonda: Yeah, kinda sucks, doesn't it?
[later:]
Rhonda: Oh, my God, Barney, you really did just rock my world. That was amazing. And I'm not lying.
Barney: I know you're not lying, baby.
Rhonda: And it was good for you?
Barney: It was the best sex I've ever had. [yawns] Later. Daddy's back.