‘The Stinson Missile Crisis’
Season 7, Episode 4 - Aired October 3, 2011
In a court-mandated therapy session, Robin tells the tale of how she helped Barney give up all his tricks to attract women. Meanwhile, Marshall and Lily feel Ted is getting too involved in their pregnancy.
Quote from Robin
Robin: I'm sorry. You must already think that I'm a horrible person.
Kevin: Robin, many of my patients are disturbed felons. Last week, one of them mailed me a bag of his feces. On the plus side, he remembered my birthday. You're doing fine.
Robin: Well, finally, I just couldn't take it anymore. I snapped.
[flashback to Barney serenading Nora at Robin's work:]
Barney: [singing] When a man, when a man, when this man Loves a woman!
All: Aw.
[present:]
Kevin: And that's when the assault occurred?
Robin: Not exactly.
[flashback to Robin weeping as she drinks wine under her desk at work]
Quote from Ted
Ted: You mind if I double-check some of this stuff just in case? I mean, it's the least I could do as part of Team Baby.
Marshall: "Team Baby"? Whoa. What's next, like, cheesy matching T-shirts?
Ted: No.
Quote from Robin
Kevin: Robin, I've had serial killers lead me to shallow graves faster than you're telling this story.
Robin: Okay! Look, it was getting impossible for me to be around Nora, so when an opportunity to get rid of her
presented itself...
[flashback to Robin at work:]
Sandy Rivers: It's Sandy time! Huddle up, gang. Two things: 1. Somebody stole a very expensive bottle of wine from my office... [Robin clears her throat and points to Patrice] 2. I need a producer to cover the G8 Summit in France.
Robin: Nora will do it! I mean, I know I have seniority, but...
Sandy Rivers: I was gonna ask Nora anyway.
Nora: Thanks for the support, Robin. This is huge for me.
Robin: Are, are you sure about this, Sandy? I do have seniority.
Sandy Rivers: Oh, I'm sure. Nora's amazing. I want to have sex with her.
Quote from Robin
Kevin: To deal with that rejection from Barney, not to mention your boss must've really hurt. Why don't we dig into those emotions?
Robin: So Marshall and Lily were at Dr. Sonya's office...
[flashback:]
Marshall: It's fascinating how profoundly little I know about vaginas. [knock at door]
Dr. Sonya: Come in.
Lily: Ted, what are you doing here?!
Ted: I checked up on all the stuff this "doctor" says is okay, and she's wrong. So, for the health of this baby, I'm stepping in.
[present:]
Kevin: Sounds like this Ted guy could benefit from some therapy.
Robin: Oh, he definitely could.
Quote from Robin
[flashback to Marshall and Lily in Dr. Sonya's office:]
Marshall: What's that little guy up there do?
Dr. Sonya: Oh, you poor girl.
[present:]
Kevin: Robin!
Robin: It all ties together, I swear.
Quote from Lily
Barney: I got 'em comin' and goin'! Uh-huh.
Lily: I can't believe you go to so much trouble to get laid.
Marshall: Yeah, sometimes I don't even have to shower.
Lily: Mama loves it musky.
Quote from Robin
[flashback to the gang in the apartment:]
Barney: I gotta shut down all these systems before Nora gets back. How am I gonna do all that in three days?
Robin: I'll help you.
[present:]
Robin: Maybe you should write on your little chart there: "Patient selflessly tried to help a friend in need."
Kevin: First of all, this is a crossword puzzle. Secondly, you were clearly planning on using those three days to steal Barney back.
Robin: Wha- I am his friend! How dare you! God, you think you're so smart just because you went to Harvard and then Princeton and then... Wow, Harvard again. Okay, yes, fine. I was... I was trying to steal him back.
Quote from Lily
Kevin: This is good. You're finally opening up and talking about yourself, not just what Marshall and Lily were up to.
Robin: Oh, yeah, so Marshall and Lily were folding laundry...
Kevin: That one's my fault.
[flashback to Marshall and Lily folding laundry:]
Marshall: You know... Never mind. It's just... Forget it.
Lily: Marshall, you're a grown-ass man. If you want to say something, just say it.
Marshall: I feel bad for Ted! And if my mom were here, she would ask me what was wrong.
Lily: You feel bad for Ted?!
Marshall: It's tough feeling like the third wheel.
Lily: Okay, first of all, I'm sure Ted's fine.
[elsewhere, Ted is eating ice cream as he stares at an old Halloween photo:]
Ted: Who eats salt and pepper without cumin?
[back:]
Lily: Second, Ted is way off base coming after Dr. Sonya. We love her! Right? Don't tell me you're doubting Dr. Sonya!
Marshall: Just a little bit.
Quote from Ted
Ted: Oh, hi. I cropped that Halloween photo. It's just salt and pepper, now, so it looks ridiculous.
Marshall: Ted, I want you back on Team Baby.
Lily: What?
Ted: I knew you'd come around! Guys! I didn't really crop the photo! Plus, good news. I signed us up for a birthing class.
Quote from Robin
Kevin: Let me guess, you got drunk under your desk again?
Robin: No, Mr. Harvard. I handled things a little differently...
[flashback to Robin getting drunk under a table at MacLaren's]