Ted: Hey, how was the big couples' night with Marshall and Lily?
Robin: Brutal.
Ted: Really? How?
Barney: It was like we were on a date with a sad, chubby girl our mom made us call.
Robin: And they were so nervous, that they weren't even making sense half of the time.
[flashback to Barney and Robin in Marshall and Lily's apartment:]
Lily: Hey. Come on in. Would you like a margarita?
Marshall: In Cabo, I saw Sammy Hagar eating a Belgian waffle!

Ted: I don't understand. If last night went so horribly, why do Lily and Marshall think it was such a hit?
[flashback to Barney and Robin leaving Marshall and Lily's apartment:]
Barney: I mean, we knew we were gonna have fun tonight, but we had no idea how much.
Marshall: Oh.
Robin: Yeah, tough luck, every Saturday night I've ever had, 'cause this one just blew you out of the water.
Barney: Let's do it again, soon.
Robin: Yeah, we'll call you.
[back:]
Ted: They're your friends! Why would you just blatantly lie to them like that?
Robin: Well, that's what you say at the end of a crappy date.
[A woman comes out of the bathroom]
Woman: Hey, Ted. Great time last night. Well, let's do it again, soon. I'll...uh, call you. [exits]
Ted: Right?

Lily: Hey, guys. Good news. First of all, you can ignore all the e-mails and texts we've sent you.
Robin: We have. Go on.
Lily: Because we went ahead and booked that couples' weekend for all of us in Vermont!
Robin: Wait, you guys were serious about that?
Marshall: Oh, we never joke about B & Bs, especially at the height of syrup season.
Lily: Saturday we've got apple-picking, antiquing, then a hated hay ride.
Marshall: And then on Sunday, we're up at 6:00 a.m. for the fall foliage hike. Now, you better pack your long johns, 'cause it is cold up there.

Lily: What's going on?
Robin: Look, all this couple-y stuff, it's just not us. Barney and I are barely equipped to date each other, let alone you guys.
Barney: Plus, the alien thing.

Lily: Come on, Marshall.
Marshall: Let's go.
Robin: No, Lily.
Marshall: You know what? I hope those underwater aliens are cold-blooded. 'cause then you guys will get along just fine. [Lily and Marshall leave]
Barney: I think they bought it.

[Marshall and Lily are on the couch under a blanket eating ice cream:]
Marshall: I can't believe they broke up with us.
Lily: We're so lovable.
Marshall: No, we're not. We're ugly and gross.
Lily: I thought we did everything right.
Marshall: I know! I know. We had Gouda. We had my waffle story. I even sent them a awesome photo montage. Nothing.
Lily: Oh, dear God. Marshall, we've been over and over this. You have to stop sending those to people.

Robin: Hey. We wanted to say we're sorry.
Lily: Oh. I wish you had called.
Marshall: [o.s., to a couple in the apartment] I swear, he was right there just eating a Belgian waffle!
Man: Well, he can't have enjoyed it as much as I'm enjoying this Gouda!
Marshall: Oh!
Lily: Um, listen, now's not a good time. We'll call you.

Barney: Hey, maybe all six of us could hang out.
Robin: Yeah.
Lily: Oh, it might be weird. We're kind of on a double date. Wouldn't want you to feel like a fifth and sixth wheel.
Barney: Who the hell are these people?
Lily: They just moved here from Hawaii. Py is a total foodie and Shea, well... She's...
Marshall: Shea...Shea is just... [both laugh and sigh contentedly]
Lily: Anyhoo, we can't stay long. We're just gonna grab a quick beer and then take these kooks for a boat ride around the city.
Robin: Wow, it sounds like this is getting pretty serious.
Marshall: Well, we don't want to jinx it, but, uh... We kind of think they might be the two. [knocks on the table] Ooh.

Barney: Hey, why don't we call that weird couple down the hall from you? You know, with the ferrets? Maybe they want to come over and play Taboo.
Robin: After midnight? No way. We can't Tabooty-call them, it's pathetic.
Ted: [enters] Hey, guys.
[Barney and Robin groan]
Ted: Barney, are you wearing sweat pants?
Barney: Maybe. But they're Armani.

Lily: How do we know you two won't hurt us again?
Robin: You don't.
Marshall: You know what? We have two very nice people up in that apartment who are perfect for us.
Barney: Then what are you doing, standing out in the rain with us?
Lily: Damn it. Why is there something so attractive about a bad boy... and girl?
Marshall: I think we can change them.
Lily: Come here, you two.
Barney: We'll never sleep on the Gouda again.