Barney: And here we are. Now, I believe this charade has gone on long enough. Can we please get to the surprise laser tag rehearsal?
Robin: Hey, there is no surprise laser tag rehearsal dinner!
Barney: Okay, but if I may offer an opposing view. Of course there is! This place is lousy with clues. Is he even really a security guard? Because he looks an awful lot like a non-Pakistani version of the guy who delivers
sandwiches at my office. Also, "laser tag" has the same number of letters as "rehearsal."
Robin: Laser tag has eight, rehearsal has nine.
Barney: And if you rearrange the letters and add some other ones, It says, "Get ready, Barney, for the biggest surprise ever, you handsome son of a..." And then not quite enough letters for "bitch", but good try, Robin.

Robin: This is crazy, Barney. We- We can't have a marriage like this. A marriage has to be built on honesty and trust And all of that Lily & Marshall crap.
[elsewhere:]
Lily: I though our marriage was built on honesty and trust And all that Lily & Marshall crap. I just feel so alone right now.
Ted: Well, you're not. I'm here. And I know you can keep a secret.
Lily: [scoffs] Yeah, right.
Ted: Tell you what. How about I let you in on another secret? Something bigger.
Lily: Bigger than Chicago? [Ted whispers in Lily's hears] Are you kidding?
Ted: Nope. Want to do the honors?
Lily: [in microphone] Ladies and gentlemen, there's been a slight change of plan.

Lily: Thanks for letting me in on this. Even if it was at the very end.
Ted: My pleasure. Oh, and by the way, There's one more secret I've been keeping. All those nights I was supposed to be taking piano lessons? I was actually taking figure skating lessons!
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, it takes more than two months to learn how to figure skate.

Robin: I love you.
Barney: I love you, too.
Robin: I'm gonna get you back, you know?
Barney: Bring it.