‘The Playbook’
Season 5, Episode 8 - Aired November 16, 2009
Now that he's single again, Barney turns to "The Playbook" to hook up with women.
Quote from Barney
Barney: [enters] Guys, code red! Emergency. Lockdown. Nobody's leaving.
Robin: Whoa, what happened?
Barney: I tried the "he's not coming", and it worked. Gangbusters. You should have seen this girl. Bang, ping, pa-dow, ga-dunk.
Robin: Okay, I'm leaving.
Quote from Barney
[After a heavy knock at the door, Ted opens it to find Barney wearing SCUBA gear:]
Ted: You know, I heard it was gonna rain.
Barney: If anyone's interested, I will be at MacLaren's pub performing a play out of the Playbook entitled "The Scuba Diver". That is all. [exits]
Quote from Barney
Barney: Oh, so, now you guys want to know what "The Scuba Diver" is. Well, it was on the last page of the Playbook, but I ripped it out just in case. Don't worry. You're about to see it in action. See the blonde over there by the bar? Tizzarget acquizzired.
Quote from Barney
Lily: So, what's "The Scuba Diver"? And this is Claire, by the way.
Barney: Hello, Claire. I'm Lieutenant Frank Lyman. I train bomb sniffing dolphins for the Balt... You know what? I can't do this. Robin, I am so sorry. I guess, this breakup's been tougher on me than I thought. I think this Playbook was just a way to take my mind off of things.
Quote from Barney
Lily: Barney, I'm so glad you're stopping this. And, frankly, the real Barney is way cooler than any of the fake Barneys in this Playbook.
Barney: Oh, is that right? Claire, you've probably heard a lot about the real Barney tonight. Want to grab a cup of coffee?
Lily: Claire, before you turn him down, I think you should know that under this neoprene suit with what appears to be a tube sock stuffed in the crotch...
Barney: Can of Pringles, but go on.
Quote from Marshall
Future Ted: [v.o.] And by the end of the night...
Marshall: I'm proud of that guy. To be that vulnerable takes a lot of Pringles.
Quote from Robin
Future Ted: [v.o.] And the ironic part was...
Don: Hi. Are you Robin? I'm Don, your new cohost.
Future Ted: That was the day she met Don.
Robin: [under her breath] Damn it, Marshall.
Quote from Lily
Shelly: I know. I'm sorry, I feel terrible.
Lily: You should feel terrible!
Shelly: I do feel terrible! I do!
Lily: You should!
Shelly: I do, I do!
Lily: You should! You should!
Shelly: I don't.