‘The Platinum Rule’
Season 3, Episode 11 - Aired December 10, 2007
Ted is about to go on a date with his doctor, but Barney and friends try to convince him it's a bad idea because of "the platinum rule".
Quote from Barney
Ted: Well, that's cute. But she's not my neighbor, she's my doctor. So if you'll excuse me...
Robin: Wait, Ted, Barney has a point. Remember what happened with me and Curt down at the station?
Marshall: Oh, yeah, and remember what happened with us and the Gerards across the hall?
Barney: Need I remind you about me and Wendy the waitress?
Ted: Yeah, I don't have time for this. I'm out the door as soon as i'm finished with my hair.
Barney: Good, then we've got a solid half hour. And in that time, we will convince you not to set foot out that door. It's a story older than time, my friend, and it always plays out in the same eight steps.
Quote from Barney
Barney: The attraction is instant and undeniable. But you know better. You've seen your friends make the same mistakes before. You've laughed smugly at them. [laughs] Idiots! But still, you think, "This is different. The platinum rule doesn't apply to me." And that's, step 2! Bargaining.
Quote from Barney
Barney: I've decided to seduce Wendy the waitress.
Ted: No!
Lily: Don't do it!
Barney: Request denied! What rule is there that say's I can't seduce the waitress at my favorite bar?
Lily: I don't know. I'd expect you to have one already.
Robin: Yeah, with some sort of catchy name.
Barney: Well, I don't. I don't have one and I never will be because it's a great idea. Come on, guys! She's gullible. I'm bored. We're perfect for each other.
Quote from Ted
Ted: Barney, we love this bar. If you screw over Wendy the waitress, you're going to kill the bar.
Robin: Bar killer.
Marshall: Don't kill the bar, dude.
Barney: Yeah, well... I think it'll be okay.
[jump to 2006:]
Barney: And it was a huge mistake.
Marshall: Yeah, well, i think it'll be okay.
[jump to 2007:]
Lily: And it was a huge mistake.
Robin: Yeah, well, I think it'll be okay.
[jump to the present day:]
Robin: And it was a huge mistake.
Ted: Yeah, well, I think it'll be okay.
Quote from Barney
Barney: Ted, trust me. You don't want to do this.
Ted: Look, Stella and I are adults. We're both smart, mature people capable of making good decisions.
Robin: You have a butterfly tramp stamp.
Ted: We're just seeing a movie. If it seems at all weird, I'll back off.
Barney: That's what everyone thinks and then along comes step three. Submission.
Quote from Barney
Wendy: Wow. That was an interesting use of the beverage gun.
Barney: Club soda can get anything off.
Quote from Barney
Wendy: It finally happened. All this time, every drink I brought you, I always felt there was this unspoken connection between us. And I was right.
Barney: Hey, can I get a gin and tonic?
[present day:]
Ted: See, I bet you didn't pay for that gin and tonic.
Barney: Oh, I paid for it.
Quote from Barney
Ted: But you've got to admit, there is an upside to breaking the platinum rule. Like maybe as her boyfriend, I could get a discount on treatments.
Barney: Oh, Ted, of course there's an upside, at first. That's step 4. Perks.
Quote from Lily
Lily: And it's so convenient. They're right across the hall. Say it's Sunday and we want to have a brunch double date with someone.
Marshall: We just go across the hall.
Lily: And say we want to have a dinner party exploring the wine and cuisine of France's Loire Valley.
Marshall: We just go across the hall.
Lily: Say we want to play a game of charades...
[Marshall mimes]
Barney: You just go across the hall? [Marshall agrees]
Lily: Come on people, get excited for us! We've got a great thing going here.
Barney: That's what I thought.
Quote from Barney
Wendy: Hi, sweetie. I had the kitchen whip these up, no charge. [kisses Barney] Okay. Bye. I mean, not bye. I'm not leaving. I'll be over there. okay. [leaves]
Barney: Come on, guys, free nachos. What?
Ted: We like this bar.
Marshall: Don't kill the bar, dude.
Ted: Hey, we love this bar.
Marshall: Don't kill the bar, dude.
Ted: This bar is like home to us.
Marshall: Don't kill the bar.
Lily: You're killing the bar.
Barney: I am not killing the bar. Wendy the waitress has seen how I operate in this place. It is perfectly clear to everyone involved that this is nothing more than a temporary fling. [Wendy stares lovely at Barney] It's fine.