[flashback to January 2010:]
Cindy: Come on, how could he not be in love with you? The way you fall asleep on the couch doing the crossword.
The Mother: When did he see me fall asleep...?
Cindy: The way your hair smells. The way your eyes sparkle... [Cindy kisses her] I might have some stuff to figure out.
The Mother: You might.
Cindy: I'm so sorry.
The Mother: No, uh, it's okay. It was nice. I haven't been kissed in a really long time.

[flashback:]
The Mother: Not long after that, she met a nice girl, and they fell in love, so it's a happy ending. For Cindy, anyway. I, however, am left without a roommate. So here we are.
Darren: Ha. I have a confession. Uh... I don't need a place to live. I saw your ad for the roommate, and I just really wanted to meet you. I'm a huge fan of your band, Super Freakonomics.
The Mother: Oh, my gosh. Really?
Darren: Really. I come to all your shows. And I'm not just saying this: I think you guys are the best economic-themed band in the entire city.
The Mother: Even better than Radio-Hedge Fund?
Darren: Oh, absolutely. I wish I had the guts to do what you do. I love to sing, but...
The Mother: You know what? Next time we do a show, you have got to come up on stage with us and sing a song.
Darren: Oh, no, I couldn't. No, I'm too shy. [singing] But maybe just one song.

[flashback to April 2012:]
Darren: I don't like to think of Super Freakonomics as my band. I think of it as my canvas, upon which I paint my masterpieces. [laughs] And that right there is why I don't play bass. Ha-ha-ha.
Louis: Can I help you with that?
The Mother: Uh... Wow. Thanks, Superman.
Louis: No problem. It was either help you or stop a train going off a cliff. And you're much cuter. Can I buy you a drink?
The Mother: Oh, no, sorry, I'm 16.
Louis: Oh. Wow. Sorry. Have a good night.
The Mother: Wait, you believed that? I like you. Sure, you can buy me a drink.

[flashback to April 2012:]
The Mother: Well, um, thank you for the drink.
Louis: So do you wanna get dinner sometime?
The Mother: Um, Louis, you're really nice, but I was in love with somebody... a long time ago, and he died.
Louis: Oh, I'm sorry.
The Mother: No, I'm sorry. Um... It's silly, but it's like the first lottery ticket I ever bought... was, kaboom, jackpot. And I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna win again. Not like that, anyway. So I don't generally buy lottery tickets anymore.
Louis: I understand.
The Mother: So I should go.
Louis: Well, if you change your mind, give me a call.
[She walks out of the bar, passing Barney and pregnant Lily hugging. Leaving just as Ted enters in a dress:]
Ted: Okay. Now we're even.

Curtis: You're in luck. Mother of the bride never checked in. How many keys will you need?
The Mother: Just one. I just... I broke up with someone.
Curtis: I think Room number 6 is the room for you.
The Mother: Thank you.

[the year 2024:]
Ted: So I've told you all my stories.
The Mother: I'm afraid so. But luckily, I have plenty of stories that you don't know yet. Like where my college roommates and I went to a male strip club...
Ted: And your friend Dongnose got smacked on the nose with a dong? I know that one.
The Mother: Okay. What about the story that explains how...?
Ted: Dongnose got her nickname and that it had nothing to do with the dong-smacking incident? Heard it, loved it, called it the greatest coincidence of the 21st century.
The Mother: Wow. You know every one of my stories.
Ted: And you know every one of mine. I guess it's official. We're an old married couple.
The Mother: Nice.
Ted: We did it.

[the year 2024:]
The Mother: Uh, what lamp is this?
Ted: The lamp Robin broke the day of the wedding. Oh, my God, you don't know this one. Oh, man. This is a good one. I mean, it's got everything: Intrigue, betrayal, lamps. It is a ripping yarn, so buckle your seat belt...
The Mother: Just tell the story.
Ted: Okay, here goes. Robin broke a lamp.

Ted: Neither of us was gonna back down. So finally we decided to take it to the groom.
The Mother: [gasps]
Ted: Whoa. What's going on?
The Mother: Shh.
Ted: Who's that guy?
The Mother: It's my ex-boyfriend.

Ted: So we're crouching behind a van, hiding from your ex-boyfriend. Forgive me, I'm a little bit of a detective. But it was a bad breakup?
The Mother: Pretty bad.
Ted: Bad like there was a big fight?
The Mother: Bad like there was a big ring.
Ted: Bad like this happened in the past year?
The Mother: Bad like it happened Saturday.
Ted: So bad.
The Mother: Yeah.

Ted: This is your place.
The Mother: Yep.
Ted: You sure it's not a few blocks that way?
The Mother: Nope, it's right here. It's right where you picked me up.
Ted: So it is. Well, good night.
The Mother: Good night.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Eight years earlier, I probably would have given some embarrassing speech, confessed my love, scared her off. But I didn't. Because somehow I just knew this was all gonna work out.
The Mother: Ted?
Ted: Oh, thank God.
The Mother: Do you at least wanna finish your story?