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The Magician's Code - Part One

‘The Magician's Code - Part One’

Season 7, Episode 23 - Aired May 14, 2012

When Lily goes into labor, Barney tries to help Marshall get back to New York from Atlantic City. Meanwhile, Ted and Robin try to distract Lily from her painful contractions by telling her stories.

Quote from Mickey

Lily: Where the hell is Marshall?! I can't do this without Marshall!
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, sometimes the universe sends exactly what you ask for. Other times, it sends Lily's dad.
Lily: Oh...
Mickey: Remember the time you had your tonsils out?
Lily: Yeah, yeah. You scared the crap out of me.
Mickey: Yes, I did, didn't I? Oh, my. But do you remember what happened next?
Mickey: And don't worry, Princess, if you permanently lose the ability to speak, we'll give you a chalkboard. You can hang it around your neck on a little string.
Young Lily: Nurse, I don't know who this strange man is.
Nurse: Security!
Mickey: What are you talking about? I'm your daddy. What do you mean... Hey, fellas, come on!
Mickey: I woke up in a Dumpster of medical waste, and I couldn't have been prouder. Because, much like that dumpster, you had a lot of guts. And you've used that bravery every day of your life. With or without Marshall. You're having this baby.
Lily: Thanks, Dad. That story actually helped.
Mickey: Oh, good, I'm glad. And, you know, few women have vaginal tearing severe enough to need surgical
Lily: Security!


Quote from Barney

Lily: Everybody, this is Marvin.
Marshall: We named him after my pop.
Barney: Tell them the full name.
Lily: Marvin Wait For It Eriksen.
Ted: That is the coolest middle name of all-time.
Robin: Totally.

Quote from Lily

Lily: What do you mean I can't have an epidural?
Dr. Sonya: You're too far along. Things are moving much faster than expected.
Lily: Look, if your hands are tied medically, just leave the epidural on the table and walk away.
Dr. Sonya: Don't worry. The baby slide right out, huh? It's like a whoosh. Like a waterslide. [Lily screams] Slightly painful waterslide.

Quote from Robin

Lily: Just keep telling me stories!
Ted: Oh, okay. I got one for you. Second base with Neil Young.
[flashback to a drunk Robin talking to the guys in the apartment:]
Robin: Um, I don't normally go to, um, second base and tell, but I just spent a magical night with Neil Young. He's still in my room.
Barney: Seriously?
Robin: Be cool guys, don't scare him off.
Barney: Robin, that's not Neil Young.
Robin: Oh, God.

Quote from Robin

Robin: Oh, we're busting apple bags? I can bust apple bags. Ted, remember when we were dating and we threw that party and one of those appetizers just didn't sit right?
Ted: Ah... doesn't sound familiar.
Robin: I call this story "Ted and the Cuban Sandwich Crisis."
[flashback: a toilet flushes:]
Robin: [v.o.] Ted came out of that bathroom looking like Joe Frazier after the Thrilla in Manila.
Barney: Oh, what is that smell!? Ugh!
Robin: [v.o.] So I, being a great girlfriend, tried to help him out.
[Robin texts Ted, "Was that you?" He sees it and nods]
Robin: You guys are all crazy; I don't smell anything. Anyway, uh, who wants to go up on the roof?
Robin: [v.o.] But then...
Barney: She, who denied it, supplied it.
Ted: Yeah, must have been that Cuban sandwich, huh, babe?
Robin: That was not cool, Ted.
Lily: Contraction!
Robin: That wasn't cool, Ted?

Quote from Lily

Lily: I hope Marshall's close. Cube me.

Quote from Future Ted

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, your Uncle Marshall has faced many challenges in his life. But he still considers getting up these two steps when he was this drunk to be the hardest one of all.

Quote from Marshall

Lily: Tell me a Marshall story. I miss him.
Ted: Got it. "The Tale of the Cursed Pants."
[flashback to Marshall at MacLaren's in a loud pair of pants:]
Marshall: Hey, guys. So, I'm starting worry about these pants.
Robin: Starting to?
Marshall: No, ever since I got them, like, terrible things I stubbed my toe, I missed my train...
Barney: You put on the pants.
Marshall: And then the lady at the thrift store said that for years, no one so much as tried them on. Can you believe that?
Ted: Yes.
Marshall: You know what this means? These pants are cursed. What's this in the pocket? A clue.
Ted: [v.o.] Marshall had the writing translated. It led him deep into the heart of Chinatown.
Elderly Asian Man: It is you. The One has arrived. Dry cleaning, $21.50.
Lily: I remember that suit. He looked like a little kid's imaginary friend.

Quote from Barney

Barney: What's up, bro?
Marshall: Wait, how did you... with the security?
Barney: I'll explain.
Security Guard: Tell me why we shouldn't call the authorities right now?
Barney: Go ahead, call 'em. But first, can you show me the rule that says you can't drive a motorcycle on the casino floor?
Security Guard: [chuckles]
Security Guard: It's not in here.
[Barney confidently puts his feet up on the table]
[A man places a sign reading "No motor cycles on the casino floor"]
Future Ted: [v.o.] And, kids, that sign is still there to this day.

Quote from Ted

Ted: Uh, the time Lily went into labor!
Lily: That's now!
Ted: Sorry, I'm running out of stories.

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