Robin: The point is, let's focus on this awesome apartment.
Lily: You're right. Look at that fabulous plasma television. My ex-husband, who never supported my career, would love to watch the Vikings never win a Super Bowl in franchise history on that thing.
Marshall: How dare you.
Ted: Don't let her push your buttons.
Marshall: Right. I don't care about football. I'm more of a... Woodworthy Manor fan. I very much enjoyed watching it the other night. With Emsbry.
Lily: Oh, you didn't.
Marshall: Yeah, oh, yeah. I know who deliberately overwatered Lady Chillsbury's prize-winning roses.
Lily: They have been building to that reveal all season, Marshall, don't you tell me...
Marshall: It was Parson Smallsby.

Woman: I love you accent.
Ted: [British accent] Thank you. I practiced it all morning.
Woman: You are adorable.
Ted: Well...
Woman: That Marshall's a lucky man.
Ted: Well, aren't you ducky?
Woman: Seriously if you were straight, I'd be all over you.
Ted: Huh.

Woman: Look, just stop talking. We've made up our minds.
Barney: Oh, well, thanks for taking a look. 'll walk you out.
Man: We'll take it.
Robin: [gasps] If you never get a black light, you'll be so happy here.

[Lily notices that Ted is kissing a woman on the Jor-El head cam:]
Lily: Trouble in paradise?
Marshall: [to Ted] We have a child together.
[Barney's sprinkler system goes off]

Lily: I can't believe you watched Woodworthy Manor without me.
Marshall: I can't believe that you're mad at me. I've been abandoned by my wife and my gay companion. If I get blinded in one eye by a badminton shuttlecock, you might as well call me Lord Esterbrooke.
[Ted and Lily gasp]
Ted: You watched the new one without me?
Marshall: Betrayal stings, doesn't it, Emsbry?

Barney: You turned them down?
Robin: Yeah. If I ask you to change too many things about yourself, you're not gonna be the man I fell in love with. Turns out, I accept and appreciate even the grossest, creepiest, most sociopathic parts of you.
Barney: Sounds like somebody just wrote her vows.

Lily: It's the Captain. [answers the phone] Ahoy.
The Captain: There's a zebra at the Central Park Zoo who's got quite a keen hoof at photography. Ironically, he's great with color. Now...
Lily: Captain, I'll check it out, just not tonight. I need to spend some time with my husband.

Ted: You guys are all so lucky. When am I gonna find something real?
Woman: Well, Emsbry, ready to see what it's like to be with a woman?
Ted: [British accent] I suppose there's a first time for everything. [chudders]
Robin: Go ahead.
Barney: My son. [hugs Ted]

Barney: Are you guys sure we're gonna like this Woodworthy Manor show?
Robin: Yeah, it sounds kind of boring.
Marshall: Kind of boring?
Ted: Grab a seat guys, but trust me, you're only gonna need the edge. Ah-ha, all right, now, a little backstory. Lady Stoutshire has developed a serious case of croquet ankle and the cook Mrs. Bootbrush can't find enough chestnuts for a proper St. Crispin's Day goose. Let's watch.
[Barney and Robin eye up the chute. They slide out of the apartment and land in a dumpster]
Barney: I love you.
Robin: My wrist is broken.
Barney: Worth it. [they high-five]
Robin: Ow.