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The Drunk Train

‘The Drunk Train’

Season 7, Episode 16 -  Aired February 13, 2012

Kevin and Robin join Marshall and Lily on a couple's weekend in Vermont. Meanwhile, Barney meets a woman who sees through his schtick.

Quote from Barney

Woman: Hey, our stop's next. Do you want to join us?
Ted: Yeah, I think we do.
Barney: Nah, we're good. [to Ted] Too skanky.
Ted: Too skanky?
Barney: Eh...
Ted: It's the Drunk Train. You crossed out all the stops and wrote "Vaginaville."
Barney: That's not true. That one says "Boner Gardens."


Quote from Barney

Quinn: Okay, I'll give you this: You stood by your boy all night, even though you have no chance of getting with me. That was pretty cool.
Barney: Yeah, you know, in retrospect, I think that was the moment you decided to come back to my place and get nasty.
Quinn: [laughs] Yeah, right.
[suddenly, Barney's couch is in the club:]
Quinn: Get up. You're on my bra.
Barney: Sorry.
Quinn: Where's your bathroom?
Barney: Past the kitchen, down the hall.
Ted: See, I feel like I would remember you two being naked on your couch in the middle of the club.
Barney: Oh, right. That was later in my apartment after we got nasty. My bad.

Quote from Ted

Ted: Wait, wait, wait. You slept with her?
Barney: I know, I know. I'm late on sending the pictures. I've been swamped.
Ted: You like Quinn.
Barney: I...
Ted: That's why you can't stop "complaining" about her. That's why you just tanked our chance with these sl... lovely innocent flowers.
Woman: I don't even care where we go, but I hate doing it on the ground.
Ted: Barney, do you know why I'm on the Drunk Train on Valentine's Day? Because I have nothing better to do. No one I can't stop thinking about. So if you feel something for Quinn, go for it. Because you're wasting your time here. We both are.
Barney: I don't like Quinn!

Quote from Robin

Robin: Kevin, I love you, but please don't just be the nice guy who says the right thing.
Kevin: Robin, I want to marry you no matter what. Assuming you don't turn into a big fat fattie. See? Right there. Don't always say the right thing.
Robin: Look, you just got a truckload of new information dumped on you.
Kevin: Will you marry me?
Robin: My feelings on kids aren't gonna change.
Kevin: Will you marry me?
Robin: Haven't you always wanted kids?
Kevin: That was before I fell in love with you.
Robin: Well, that's the thing. Your future always had kids in it. That is something huge you would be giving up for me. I just don't think I could ever owe someone that much. I'm scared that you'll... wake up in-in a year or ten or 50, full of regret. So... I need you to be sure, okay? If we get married, you will never have children. Are you really okay with that?

Quote from Barney

Woman: Enormous Penis Syndrome?
Barney: E.P.S. It's all about awareness. That's why we're doing the fun run, the silent auction, the three-legged race. Of course, that's just one guy. You know what? I can't do this. [to the cab driver] You can let me out up here.
Woman: Why? You got a girlfriend or something?
Barney: Maybe something.

Quote from Robin

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, sometimes you realize the journey you've been taking has reached its final stop. So the question becomes, where do you go next?
Ted: Hey. Are you okay?
Robin: So, he un-proposed. We're over. And I... I... I know it's for the best. It's just... I was finally ready for something serious. He seemed like the guy to take that next step with. But he couldn't look past this. I mean, who could?
Ted: I could. I love you, Robin.

Quote from Barney

Quinn's friend: You've been complaining about this Barney guy so much, I'm starting to think that you like him.
Quinn: Like his apartment, check. Like his moves downtown, check plus. But like him? Ugh. Please. I'm just surprised he doesn't recognize you. He practically lives here.
Announcer: [v.o.] Gentlemen, give it up for Karma.

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