The Captain: [answers phone] Ahoy.
Robin: Hi. Captain, it's Robin. Ahoy. Uh, look, I... have to be upfront with you. I'm engaged.
The Captain: Engaged? I thought you were married to Marshall. This is Robin right? The redheaded kindergarten teacher who wore the gray dress and the blue shoes to that art show?
Robin: Can you please hold a moment?
The Captain: Dropping anchor.

Lily: [answers phone] Ahoy.
The Captain: A seven-foot-tall cross-dressing Cambodian is throwing glitter and fish guts at a billboard on the B.Q.E.
Lily: So he's some sort of conceptual painter?
The Captain: No, no, just a crazy person on the local news. I thought you might have a laugh. You're off the clock, relax. I must own it.
Lily: Aye, aye, Cap'n.

Lily: It's the Captain. [answers the phone] Ahoy.
The Captain: There's a zebra at the Central Park Zoo who's got quite a keen hoof at photography. Ironically, he's great with color. Now...
Lily: Captain, I'll check it out, just not tonight. I need to spend some time with my husband.

The Captain: Heck of a jab, Marshall. Well placed.
Marshall: Captain, I know something happened between you and Lily last night.
The Captain: What? No. Nothing happened. Captain's honor. You can ask my fiancee.
Marshall: Fiancee? What fiancee?
Becky: Captain, permission to clear things up?
The Captain: Granted.
Becky: Me. We're engaged.