Barney: So what's the plan?
Ted: Well, you know the Taj Mahal in Atlantic City?
Barney: Yeah.
Ted: You know the secret penthouse in the top of the Taj Mahal in Atlantic City?
Barney: Yeah!
[later:]
Ted: Boom! There it is. Visible from our window. In the distance. Behind the refinery. Okay, you can't quite see it.
Barney: Why are we outside Atlantic City?
Marshall: Well, we thought it was best, what with your weakness for games of chance.

Marshall: Oh, we'll fear for our lives, all right. When we watch Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth!
Ted: Yeah. We're gonna pound a beer every time we hear the word "catastrophic".

Marshall: Oh! Could that be... the next item on your list?
[flashback to ten months earlier:]
Barney: Mind-blowing entertainment, like a naked fire show or a naked magic show.
Quinn: There's a good chance our engagement doesn't work out, isn't there?
Barney: Not now, honey. Or a naked contortionist!
[present:]
Marshall: Or... a balloon contortionist!
Barney: Balloons. Not the inflatable, round, squishy pouches I was hoping to see tonight.

Ted: Bro. Bro. Of course we got a stripper.
Marshall: Do we look like the kind of dweebs who wouldn't get a stripper?
Ted: And as the saying goes, what happens in the sensibly-priced business hotel outside Atlantic City stays in the sensibly-priced business hotel outside Atlantic City.
Barney: Who is it?
Woman: [o.s.] Police. We got a noise complaint from... Oh, who am I kidding? I can tell it's dead in there. I'm the stripper!
Quinn: Barney?
Barney: Quinn?

Quinn: This is your bachelor party? You're engaged again, less than a year after we broke up? Is it Robin?
Barney: Now, hold on. You're not the only one with questions here. You didn't vet the stripper?
Quinn: Well, I'm glad you're so happy. After we broke up, I had to move out of the city, my car got totaled, and I had to go back to stripping just to pay rent. It's like everywhere I look, my life is a dead-end.
Barney: Wow. I am... I'm so sorry, Quinn. So, how does this work? Do you give me a private show, or does everyone...?
Quinn: I am not stripping for you.

Quinn: Okay, okay. I'll tell you what. I am going to strip for everyone here except Barney. And I'm gonna make it dirty.
Barney: Yeah, um, I'm the bachelor. Kind of no stripping without the lap of honor. Back me up, bros. [silence]

Barney: [speaks Mandarin] bro mitzvah!
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, I'll skip over the gambling. Like I said, it was a complicated game. Although your old man did pick it up pretty quickly.
Ted: Hey! You just won 300 bucks!
Barney: I just lost $5,000.
Ted: Oh, right. 'Cause the chicken. Yep, that-that's $5,000, yeah.

Quinn: See, I'm laughing because you couldn't see me take my top off, but I just saw you lose your shirt.
Marshall: Hey-oh!

Ted: Oh! Oh! You crazy son of a bitch, you did it!
Barney: I just lost $80,000.
Ted: Oh, right, right, yeah. 'Cause the black jelly bean. That- That's $80,000. He's right.

Lily: You know, Ralph, earlier at the salon, I waxed on, then waxed off. [whispers] Everywhere.
Ralph Macchio: Uh, listen, lady, your husband is, like... Hey, where is your husband?
Lily: Marshall? Where's Marshall?
Barney: Okay, Lily, don't overreact, but...
[flashback to Barney at the casino speaking to a man in Chinese:]
Man: [in Chinese] "I can give you credit but I'll need collateral."
Barney: Oh, oh. Okay, I got some credit. Marshall, stand over there for good luck?
Marshall: Oh, sure.
Man: [in Chinese] Eighty-thousand for the blonde dragon.
[present:]
Lily: You sold my husband?
Barney: Lily, can you be more like the Chinese mobster and give me some credit? I'm going back for Marshall, I just need to get some money. You have nothing to worry about, these are the "good" mobsters.