Meg: What are you doing here?
Barney: Look, Meg, we need to talk.
Meg: It was all my fault. I know it was, baby. I just came on too strong.
Barney: And I forgive you. I love you.
Meg: Oh, my God! I love you, too! [Meg kisses Barney]
Lily: No! What's the matter with you? Get off of him! Look, she's not the one, but you still owe her an apol...
[Barney walks away]

Barney: So you remember who this one is, right?
Lily: Yes. You told her you were Ted and that you were an architect.
Barney: Right, and if you recall, her computer had a web cam and a T-1 line, so I...
Lily: Yeah, I know, Barney, you showed me. And that still doesn't count as a Christmas present. So go over there and apologize.

Lily: Okay, which one is this again?
Barney: She's...
[Kate opens the door and throws herself at Barney, trying to strangle him]
Kate: Larney! Die!
Barney: Is it her?
Kate: Die!
Lily: Smile.
Barney: [being choked] You look good. Have you lost weight?

Barney: We're down to the number one seed. I knew it was Holly. It had to be Holly. Man, I was hoping it wasn't Holly.
[flashback to a camp site. A woman pokes her head out of the tent:]
Holly: Barney, did you hear that? Somebody's stealing my truck. [car drives away] Barney? Barney! [animal growls]

Holly: Barney.
Barney: Holly.
Holly: Mark, come over here. Barney, this is my fiancé. Mark.
Mark: Barney? You're the Barney who ditched her in the woods?
[Lily and Barney join Holly and Mark at their kitchen table:]
Lily: So you're not mad at Barney? Don't you want an apology? An admission of guilt? Your truck back?
Holly: No, whatever happened was in the past. Mark is my present and my future.
Mark: And if you ditching Holly in the woods made her stop running around with guys like you, then cheers.
Barney: Well, then, to the last Fourth of July weekend I'll spend getting eaten alive by mosquitoes.
Mark: Fourth of July? We started dating in June.

Lily: We ruined their lives. And the worst part of it is that you didn't apologize to any of those women.
Barney: No, the worst part is that we still have no idea who my stalker is.
Robin: Well, that's because you're going about this all wrong. I mean, why chase someone who's following you? All you need to do is go down to the bar, hit on someone, and wait until she turns up.
Barney: That's not a bad idea.
Robin: I'll pretend to be the girl that you're hitting on.
Ted: I don't know. That's a lot riding on a girl who giggles when she lies.
Robin: I do not.
Ted: Have you ever fallen asleep while eating ribs?
Robin: [giggles] No.

Robin: Okay, here's how it's gonna work. Now, Lily, she knows what you look like, so just hang out at the jukebox, and don't draw any attention to yourself. And the guys will be in the booth, just pretending to have a normal conversation.
[At MacLaren's, Lily dances by the jukebox. The guys are seated in the booth:]
Marshall: Talking, we should be talking. Words. Here are words. Why is this so hard? Laughter!
Robin: [v.o.] And then I'll come in, looking hot as all hell.
Man: Wow, you are gorgeous. Oh, God, I know that's awful.
Robin: I just, uh.... Shh, go away. But come back later. [v.o.] And then Barney will make his move.
Barney: Hey, there, how are you doing?
Robin: Fine, Barney. I mean, um, fine, stranger. [giggles]
Barney: Wow, you really are awful at this, aren't you?

[At MacLaren's, Lily dances by the jukebox. Ted and Marshall are seated in the booth. Barney talks to Robin at the bar:]
Robin: Get your hand off my thigh, Barney.
Barney: It's supposed to look like we're about to hook up, Robin.
Robin: You know, I'm curious. What do you say to these girls to get them to come home with you?
Barney: Usually I just lean in and whisper this one thing in their ear. [Barney whispers in Robin's ear] You're a little turned on right now, aren't you?
Robin: [giggles] No. Oh. Look, somebody's watching us. Make your move to the bathroom.
Barney: Uh, I'm going to go to the bathroom now, but, uh, when I come back we'll go to my place and have sex.

Ted: Dude, dude, dude, look. Blonde girl heading over to Robin right now. We are go.
Marshall: I don't know what to do with my hands. What do I normally do with my hands? [Barney joins Ted and Marshall at the booth] Barney, I brought a copy of the bracket. Which one is she?
Barney: I don't recognize her. She's not on the Top 64.
Marshall: Not even on bracket. Cinderella story comes out of nowhere to win the whole thing. That'll warm your heart.
Ted: Are you okay?
Barney: I don't even recognize her.

Robin: Barney, I'm sorry, that's my friend Sally from work. We just ran into each other.
Barney: So I apologized for nothing?
Lily: Yes, but it was a great apology. And a perfect way to end my scrapbook. I'm going to call this photo "Barney's Redemption." Could you stop giving me the finger?