Marshall: It was ri.. It was right here. It was... It was right on this very spot.
Robin: I don't understand. Where is the burger place?
Ted: It's not a burger place anymore. it's a Goliath National Bank ATM.
Robin: That's fine. Let's just eat here.
Ted: We can't eat here. It's an ATM.
Robin: But... food.

[Lily starts hitting Barney with her fists]
Barney: What the...
Lily: This is your fault, you and your stupid bank. You did this.
Barney: It's not my... Stop, okay. [Lily hits Barney's knee] Ow, stop it! Stop that, Lily.
Lily: I will never use a Goliath ATM ever again. Goliath National Bank sucks. It's the worst bank on the face of the earth. Attention, New Yorkers, this bank sucks! They suck!

Barney: Will you just tell her already?
Lily: Tell me what? [Marshall sighs] Tell me what?
Marshall: I got a job.
Lily: What? Where?
Marshall: Goliath National Bank. That's why Barney's been going on and on about how- How great Goliath is. He wanted you to be excited for me since we're going to be working there together.
Barney: Well, technically not together. You won't have access to my floor.

Lily: But you want to be an environmental lawyer.
Marshall: Yeah, and, you know, I also want to be a Harlem Globetrotter and get paid in candy, but in the meantime, I need a job. And this is, this is a really good one. It's great pay and there's good benefits, and to be honest, it gives me a reason to put on pants in the morning. You know, I have my whole life to save the planet, but right now I'm kind of really excited to wear pants again.
Lily: You've got great pants.
Marshall: I love you.
Lily: I love you.

[Robin searches the trash can and finds a packet of chips]
Ted: Robin, no!
Robin: They're unopened.
Ted: Give it.
Robin: They're barbecue.
Ted: Give it!

Future Ted: [v.o.] So we paid the guy, and 20 minutes later...
[The tattooed guy serves the burgers:]
Marshall: Thank you.
Ted: All right, Marshall, remember. It might not taste as good. This place has changed. You've changed. New York has changed. Just... don't get your hopes up too high, okay?
Marshall: This is it.
All: Yes!
Marshall: It's exactly the same. It's the best burger in New York. Go ahead, eat up, eat up.
Future Ted: And so, after finally tasting again the burger he'd craved for so many years, Marshall got up the next morning, put on some pants, and went to work, and he never looked back.

Lily: I want to get tiny fitted sheets for this burger, and just... crawl into this bun, and get all cozy and die there.

Robin: Oh, my God. I just want you inside of me.

Regis Philbin: This isn't it.
All: What?
[Regis gets up]
Marshall: No, Regis Philbin.
Barney: That's outrageous. That is unbelievable.
Regis Philbin: [licks his fingers] Wait. This is it! Yes.
Marshall: You were just teasing us.
Barney: Regis Philbin.
Regis Philbin: No, really.