Lily: It was funny at first, but then it became a daily thing. I thought, "Okay, well, at least he's not leaving the house like that." Then, one day, he opened the door to get the paper. Day after that, went downstairs to get the mail.
Ted: Everyone's got an underpants radius. For most of us, it's the distance from the bedroom to the bathroom, but as your self-esteem gets smaller, your underpants radius gets bigger.
Robin: How big is Marshall's underpants radius?
[flashback to Marshall and Lily eating at "Veggie Heaven":]
Marshall: We're going.
[Marshall stands up from the booth and is not wearing pants]

Marshall: 106. A numbered street. Of course.
Barney: [answers phone] Barney Stinson.
Regis Philbin: Barney, where the hell are you?
Barney: I'm sorry, this is...?
Regis Philbin: Regis. I'm at the place.
Barney: Oh, Regis. Of course. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I forgot to call you. That's not the place. The real place is on 106th and Manhattan Avenue. We're headed there right now.
Regis Philbin: What? Uptown? [punches a mail box] Fine, fine, I'll be there in 20. If you get there first, medium rare.
Barney: Onions?
Regis Philbin: [shouts] Onions?!
Barney: Okay, no onions.

Marshall: Stop the cab!
[The gang leave the cab and start to walk down the street]
Marshall: Wait. This is it.
Man: [handing out pamphlets] Your search is over. We got girls taking off their clothes.
Marshall: This is it.
[In place of the burger joint is a Goliath National Bank ATM]
Barney: One of 9,000 convenient locations.

Lily: I'm sorry you didn't get your burger.
Marshall: It's stupid. I think about that first week in New York. You know? I was 22 years old. I had my whole future ahead of me. I guess I just kind of thought that if I could have that burger one more time and feel that way for one more night, that I might be able to check that off the list, and grow up, go work for the stupid bank, and just be happy.
Man: You know, that burger place isn't gone. It just moved to a new location. And I can tell you where that is for a hundred bucks.
Robin: [licking a wrapper] A hundred bucks? That's crazy.
Marshall: Let's pay the man.
Lily: I paid for the cab.
Ted: I don't have any cash.
Marshall: I haven't worked since March.
Barney: Oh, wow. If only there were an easy, convenient way to get some cash right now.
[As everyone turns around to face the Goliath National Bank ATM, the bank's jingle plays]
Barney: Member FDIC.

Barney: This feels so good. I'm worried I'm gonna get this burger pregnant.
Marshall: If he does get that burger pregnant, I have dibs on the delicious burger babies.

Ted: Really? You want to eat here?
Robin: Yeah, I'm freaking starving. I just finished a seven-day cleanse.
Marshall: I thought you started that yesterday.
Robin: I finished early, okay?

Lily: My God. This burger is so good. It's like Christmas in my mouth, meat Christmas.
Ted: It's like an angel from heaven landed in the kitchen at MacLaren's. Where the chef killed it and ran it through the meat grinder.
Barney: I love this burger so much, I want to sew my ass shut.

Marshall: Guys, guys, guys. When you've had the best burger in New York City, every other burger tastes like my grandpa's feet. But you guys eat up, enjoy my grandpa's feet.
Robin: And you've had the best burger in New York?
[Ted, Barney and Lily scoff]
Marshall: It was eight years ago. My first week in New York, and for a kid from Minnesota, the big city was a scary place.

[flashback to eight years earlier:]
[As keys rustle and the lock turns, Marshall waits behind the apartment door with a baseball bat, ready to swing]
Marshall: Oh, thank God it's just you.
Ted: You are being ridiculous. [takes the bat] Tell me, you left the apartment today?
Marshall: Why would I have to leave? I can have anything I want delivered, and New York City cable is awesome. Have you seen this public access show with the old Jewish lady in a bikini? It's... It's disgusting.
Ted: Marshall, you have to get over this paranoia. You are not gonna get mugged.
Marshall: What if I do, Ted. I don't have a switchblade. I don't know how to break-dance and win the begrudging respect of a street gang.

[flashback to eight years earlier:]
Marshall: [v.o.] So I went for a walk in the big, scary city. And I discovered something amazing: it wasn't scary at all. All right. What's the word?
Man: [handing out pamphlets] Your search is over!
Marshall: [v.o.] And then, right when I started to get a little hungry, I turned a corner...
[present:]
Marshall: And there it was. The tiniest little burger joint you ever saw, tucked between a taxidermist and a triple-X bookstore.
Barney: Name two places where things get stuffed.
Marshall: So, I went inside.