‘Ten Sessions’
Season 3, Episode 13 - Aired March 24, 2008
Over the course of ten sessions with his dermatologist, Stella, Ted hopes to change her mind about going out with him.
Quote from Barney
[Flashback to Barney meeting Stella:]
Barney: [v.o.] At first she seemed great, beautiful, smart, way out of your league. But then, I overheard this conversation.
Stella: Oh, Abby, did my hypnotherapist call yet?
Abby: No.
Stella: [sighs] When am I going to kick this folliculaphilia?
[present:]
Ted: Folliculaphilia?
Barney: Folliculaphilia.
Ted: What is that?
Barney: Ted, your perfect woman can only be attracted to men with moustaches.
Ted: [laughs] That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. That's not real.
Barney: You're right, Ted. I'm just making that up.
Ted: I know that you are because there's no such thing.
Robin: I got it a little bit.
Quote from Ted
Ted: There it is. She's a mom. It's just not gonna happen.
Marshall: Sorry, dude. Have a shrimp.
Ted: I'm good. I guess I got no one but myself to blame. She told me right from the start she was gonna say no and sure enough... Wait a minute.
[Outside Stella's building:]
Stella: Hi.
Ted: Hi. You didn't actually say no.
Stella: What do you mean?
Ted: All this time you were, uh, you were supposed to say no, but you didn't... I checked the transcript. So, here's what I'm proposing. Uh... You only have two minutes, right?
Stella: Right.
Ted: Okay. You want to, uh... go on a a two-minute date with me?
Stella: Last two-minute date I had gave me a daughter. But, um, okay.
Ted: Great.
Quote from Ted
Ted: And... [looks at Stella's watch] go. Taxi!
Ranjit: Hello!
Stella: Ted, I seriously only have two minutes...
Ted: I know.
Stella: That's like 120 seconds.
Ted: 380 West 22nd, please. And step on it. We're in a hurry.
Stella: 380 West 22nd? That's...
[They get out of the taxi just down the road and go towards an outdoor table:]
Ted: Right this way.
Stella: Thank you, sir. You know, I have always wanted to try this place.
Waitress: House salad.
Quote from Ted
Ted: So, college?
Stella: Stanford.
Ted: Uh-huh. Wesleyan.
Stella: Oh, good. Do you know Adam Lazar?
Ted: No. Scott Crable?
Waitress: Eggplant parmesean.
Ted: Thanks.
Stella: Oh, already cut up. Nice.
Ted: Could we get the check please. We're trying to make a movie in 15 seconds.
Waitress: Of course.
Ted: Okay, great. Uh, how do you want to do this? You had the eggplant parm. I only really had water so... I'm kidding.
Quote from Ted
Ted: Let's go. Taxi! You nervous?
Stella: A little bit.
Ted: You can't tell at all.
Stella: Oh, good. Yeah.
Ranjit: Hello!
Ted: 384 West 22nd.
Stella: 15 seconds. The movie's started.
[Ted and Stella get out of the taxi a little further down the street. They sit down on outdoor chairs in front of an electronics store:]
Ted: Nah, previews. We'll be fine. Ah! Just in time. It hasn't started yet.
Stella: So, what are we seeing?
Ted: Manos: Hands of Fate.
Stella: The whole thing?
Ted: Only the important parts. Worst movie ever.
Stella: Yeah, I almost walked out, like, five times.
Quote from Ted
Ted: So what grade's your daughter in?
Stella: Third grade.
Ted: Ah! That's a good year.
Stella: Yeah, she's wonderful. I just wish that I could get her to quit smoking, you know?
Ted: What?
Stella: I'm kidding.
Ted: Oh. Look, coffee and dessert?
Stella: You know, this neighborhood just keeps on changing. This used to be a cute, little Italian restaurant.
Ted: I know. New York. It's a living organism, an ever-changing tapestry. Ooh, look at the time. Let's go.
Stella: Mmm, the cheesecake's amazing.
Quote from Ted
Ted: Flowers?
Stella: I'm allergic.
Ted: Okay. See? We're getting to know each other. Stella, I had a lovely... Doggy bag? Stella, I had a lovely time.
Stella: Me, too, Ted.
Ted: And... date.
Stella: Huh?
Ted: That wasn't so bad, right? No lengthy, awkward silences. Dessert ran a little long, so... I had to cut the good-night kiss.
Stella: I think I can be late just once. [Ted and Stella kiss] Ted...
Ted: Look, I would love to have a second date, I would. But I understand that you really don't have time right now, but if you ever do, will you give me a call?
Stella: Yes.
Ted: Okay.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And that, kids, is how you turn a "no" into a "yes."
Quote from Barney
Abby: He seemed so nice but then he just kept toying with my emotions.
Barney: Wow. This Ted guy sounds like a real jerk. You know your problem? You're too sweet.
Abby: Aren't you going to see the doctor about that mole?
Barney: Oh, yeah. Turns out it's just a Raisinet. Hey, how would you like me to take you out to a fancy restaurant and then go on a shopping spree? Treat you the way you should be treated. Would that make you forget about that Ted monster?
Abby: My mom was wrong. There are nice guys in New York.
Barney: We just have to go by my hotel room first. My bed was broken. I just have to make sure they fixed it.
Abby: Well, then if it's fixed, can we can have sex on it and then go shopping?
Barney: I like you.
Quote from Barney
Robin: Ted, I hate to say this, but I think it's nail the receptionist time.
Ted: I'm not gonna nail the receptionist.
Barney: Ted, every little boy wants to grow up to nail the doctor or the lawyer. Somebody's gotta nail the receptionist.
Ted: No. I like Stella.
Barney: Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there, Ted. Your little Stella is not so perfect.
Ted: What do you mean?
Barney: I went down there and checked her out for myself. Yeah. And while I was down there, I discovered that she had a secret. A terrible, terrible secret.
Ted: What? What is it?
Barney: Hold on, I gotta pee.
Quote from Future Ted
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, sometimes in life you see someone and you just instantly know this is the person for you. It can happen anywhere. Even the waiting room of a tattoo removal clinic. And that's what happened when I met... Stella.