Marshall: I can't find my password!
Ted: Okay, just... can't you let 'em know that you lost it and they'll e-mail it to you or something?
Marshall: No! They won't let me do that. I'm gonna have to wait till the results come in the regular mail. That could be weeks from now, if ever! Our mail carrier hates me ever since I asked her when the baby was due.
Robin: She wasn't pregnant?
Ted: No, he was not.

Future Ted: [v.o.] So we all went out to dinner, and I couldn't wait to see if my friends were as crazy about Cathy as I was.
Ted: So, what's everyone getting?
Cathy: Well, I can't decide. Which sounds better, chicken or lasagna?
Robin: Lasagna. Just get the lasagna!
Cathy: Oh. You guys just got a new place. How many bedrooms is it?
Lily: Two. It's two bedrooms!

Ted: Okay! Let's hear it. What's wrong with Cathy?
Barney: Are you kidding me, Ted? She's got a...
Lily: Wait! You don't notice it?
Ted: Notice what?
Lily: Oh, he doesn't see it. If we point it out, we're gonna ruin her for him. As his friends, we'll just keep him in the dark.
Barney: You're right. She's great, man.
Robin: She's a keeper. Just... keep her somewhere else.

Ted: Marshall, what is everyone's problem with Cathy?
Marshall: Oh, she's a total nightmare, Ted, but can we talk about this later? I'm a minute away from finding out if I'm gonna be a lawyer or not.
Future Ted: [v.o.] You see, kids, during the summer, Marshall had taken the New York Bar exam. His years of school, his countless hours of study, had finally culminated in this grueling, two-day ordeal. The pressure of it was enormous. Every year, people taking the bar simply cracked. But Marshall had made it through.
Invigilator: And... time. Time's up.
Marshall: Right.
Invigilator: Time. Sir.
Marshall: I know.
Invigilator: Your time is...
Marshall: I know it is.
Invigilator: Give me...!

Future Ted: [v.o.] Now, months later, the results of that exam were scheduled to post online at 10:00, and it was 9:59.
Marshall: Damn, they're not up yet.
Lily: Oh, don't worry, baby. I'm sure you rocked it.
Robin: I mean, how many people fail the bar?
Marshall: Half.
Robin: Oh, my God, half? Only half the people pass? [upbeat] I mean, half the people pass. That's fantastic.

Marshall: The results are in.
Lily: Whoo. What's it say?
Marshall: "Input password."
Lily: Input the password!
Marshall: It's okay. They assigned it to me when I took the test. It's gotta be around here somewhere. Here. Here-here-here-here. "Jelly beans, fluffernutter, Gummi Bears, ginger snaps..." This is a grocery list.
Robin: For who? A witch building a house in the forest?

Marshall: Sugar helps me study.
Barney: This is like the shopping a ten-year-old does when his parents leave him alone for the weekend.
Lily: What parent leaves a ten-year-old alone for the weekend?
Barney: And your mom was perfect.

Robin: Okay, well, that's a drag, but the results will come eventually. Just try to keep it off your mind until then.
Marshall: [answers phone] Hey, Brad. Oh, congratulations, man. I'm, uh... I'm not sure yet. I... lost my password.
[later:]
Marshall: [on the phone] That's great, Cara. I don't know yet. I lost my password.
[later]
Marshall: [on the phone] I don't know how I lost it! This stuff happens! You're one to talk. You misplace stuff all the time. I'm sorry. I'm sure the nurses are stealing your medicine, Grandma. Love you, too.

Marshall: If I have to wait six weeks to find out if I passed, I'm gonna have a heart attack.
Barney: Based on that grocery list, I'd say diabetes is a bigger worry.

Ted: So, I just got off the phone with Cathy. God, you guys are so right. I totally hear it now. [nobody responds] See it now? [still nobody] Smell it? What is it?! I left the table for two minutes. What could she have possibly done in that time that was so horrible? Was it...
[flashback to the gang and Cathy at a restaurant:]
Ted: I'll be back in one second.
Cathy: One time, in the tenth grade, as a joke, I told everyone that my English teacher had sex with me. He's still in jail.
[present:]
Ted: Or maybe...
[flashback to the gang and Cathy at a restaurant:]
Ted: I'll be back in a second.
Cathy: So I volunteer at the pound.
Lily: Oh, isn't that nice?
Cathy: Yeah. You can't imagine the rush you get from killing an unwanted puppy. I make bracelets out of the collars.
[present:]
Ted: Or...
[flashback to the gang and Cathy at a restaurant:]
Ted: I'll be back in one second.
Cathy: I bet he's going to the urinal. Yeah. I remember when I had a penis.