‘Splitsville’
Season 8, Episode 6 - Aired November 12, 2012
When Robin is reluctant to break up with Nick, Barney encourages her to act quickly. Meanwhile, Ted notices that Lily and Marshall seem to be having a dry spell.
Quote from Ted
Marshall: Ted, having a kid changes things. You don't have the time or energy. You're never alone.
Ted: Come here.
Lily: What are you doing?
Ted: Taking Marvin for a walk so you guys can have some privacy.
Marshall: Oh. Ted, come on. That's- That's just not the way that it works.
Lily: Yeah, it's not like we can have sex on cue.
Ted: Yeah, I'll give you guys plenty of time. Maybe I'll even swing by the gym, show Marvin where his Uncle Ted made the shot. If I'm late, it's 'cause I've been delayed by autograph seekers. [exits, returns] Whoops. Forgot Marvin's diaper bag. Yowza! Ooh! Okay.
Quote from Barney
Barney: And the Oscar for Best Fake Romantic Speech goes to Barney Stinson. I'd like to thank all the ladies over the years with whom I've practiced fake romantic speeches. And, of course, Robin Scherbatsky for being so hypnotized by hog that she needed me to come and save her.
Robin: You know what? I didn't need your help.
Barney: You were this close to ripping off his misbuttoned shirt and pulling down his inside-out underpants.
Robin: I'll give you this. You were pretty convincing.
Barney: Hey, tricking good-looking idiots is kind of my thing.
Robin: No. I mean, you were really convincing.
Barney: Please. I was broing you out. I'm just glad he bought it so quick. Any longer, I'd have had to kiss you.
Quote from Barney
Robin: [answers phone] Hello.
Patrice: Whoo! Oh, my God, Robin. BFF Fun Day! That's the most amazing thing ever. You totally read my mind.
Robin: Hey, Patrice.
Patrice: That's exactly what I wanna do for my birthday. I just...
Robin: Oh. You got the invite. Great. Uh, yeah. Uh, let me call you back.
Patrice: This is so fantastic! I can't even catch my breath! Yay! Yay! Yay!
Robin: Mm-hmm. Yeah. [hangs up]
Barney: You know what I forgot to do?
Quote from Ted
Ted: Hey, T-Squares. Well, bad news. Heard back from the league office. My shot is not gonna count. But onwards and upwards, right? What did you cats wanna rap about? Hmm?
Joel: Listen, Coach. You're great.
Giles: And we all really want to stay friends.
Ted: I can change. I can... Come on, we... We had some good times. Things have been weird lately. Is there another architect? Just tell me.