‘Splitsville’
Season 8, Episode 6 - Aired November 12, 2012
When Robin is reluctant to break up with Nick, Barney encourages her to act quickly. Meanwhile, Ted notices that Lily and Marshall seem to be having a dry spell.
Quote from Robin
Robin: Uh, Nick, listen. You are awesome and totally sweet. But we're just not... You know where I'm going with this, right?
Nick: No. No clue.
Robin: Um... I don't know if we should keep seeing each other.
Nick: You wanna start turning off the lights during sex?
Robin: No! God, no. No, no. I am just worried that as a couple we're not working out.
Nick: You wanna start going to the gym together?
Quote from Robin
Robin: What happened?
Nick: I... I, um... Oh! I'm sorry. I can't talk about this. Anyway, what were you gonna say?
Robin: Uh, I was gonna say... Order whatever else you want. It's on me.
Nick: Well, thanks, but I think I'd just rather eat it out of a bowl.
Quote from Ted
Ted: Well, no doubt you're all wondering how the T-Squares' first game went.
Lily: What squares?
Ted: Picture a well-oiled machine.
Barney: Your sewing machine?
Ted: There were two seconds left on the clock.
[flashback:]
Ted: [v.o.] Aboubakar was all over me. And that's when all my years of architectural training came to my aid. I saw the space in a way my opponents never would.
Ted: Yes! I told you guys I'd make one of these.
[present:]
Ted: Turns out those two points were taken away because apparently the ball went "out of bounds." But don't worry. I'm appealing to the league office.
Quote from Lily
Lily: This Aboubakar, I'm assuming you showered with the guy? Paint me a word picture.
Quote from Marshall
Robin: [on speaker phone] Barney, delete the "Robin and Patrice BFF Fun Day"invite.
Barney: Did you break up with Nick yet?
Robin: I can't. He just got some horrible call. I think a family member might have died or something.
Marshall: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! No, I mean, good that Robin can't dump him. The death part, less good.
Quote from Lily
Lily: Robin, if you dump Nick, he could get mad and-and tear your blouse off. And then he bites you on the neck, not super hard, just on the brink between pleasure and pain. And then that Danish slut, Nadia, bursts in...
Quote from Robin
Barney: You can't wait. His groin will heal. And then, before you know it, you'll be marrying a man who once ate a vanilla-scented candle.
Robin: That was on me. I shouldn't have left it in the kitchen. Though it was lit. Man, he dumb!
Quote from Marshall
Nick: They're going up against the Number Crunchers without me.
Robin: It's an after-work basketball league for lawyers and accountants and architects who sew. I mean, who takes it that seriously?
Nick: No! I just hate letting Coach Eriksen down. I would follow that man through the gates of hell.
[flashback to Marshall giving a pep talk:]
Marshall: Winning. What do we win when we beat those Number Crunchers a few short weeks hence? A game? Sure. A trophy? Sort of. We win a $25 gift card to Bennigan's. But what is it that we really win?
Nick: The game!
Marshall: Yes, I said that, Nick.
Nick: Yeah.
Marshall: But we also win the right to walk tall. The right to call ourselves champions. So we are gonna go out and we are gonna wipe the floor with those accountants. And afterwards, we will feast like kings on Southwest Fajitas and Cajun Shrimp! And that check... That check will be marginally less expensive!
All: Yeah! Yeah!
Quote from Barney
Barney: She can't go home with you, Nick.
Robin: Barney!
Nick: Why not?
Barney: Because Robin and I are in love.
Quote from Barney
Robin: Barney, what are you doing here?
Barney: Taking care of something you clearly can't do on your own. I'm sorry, but you and Robin are done.
Nick: What? Robin, what is this?
Robin: Uh, Barney, look, I know what you're doing, okay? Please stop.
Barney: Robin doesn't want to hurt your feelings because you're a nice guy. But she thinks you're stupid, and she hates you. You're welcome.
Robin: Stop doing this.
Barney: I love her, Nick.