Future Ted: [v.o.] Back when we were dating, Robin and I had this running joke. We were the only two people in the world who found it funny.
Barney: No way! March does not have 31 days.
Marshall: Yes, it does! Everyone knows that. It's like general knowledge.
Ted & Robin: [salute] General knowledge.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And we did it all the time.

Lily: Isn't it sad? I mean in 2007, some countries actually still condone corporal punishment.
Ted & Robin: [salute] Corporal punishment.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Because once you start, it's surprisingly hard to stop.
Marshall: Oh, man, I got a kernel stuck in my teeth.
Ted & Robin: [salute] Colonel stuck-in-my-teeth.
Marshall: Please stop!
Barney: I hate you!
Lily: You're killing me!

Lily: Well, guys have fun.
Ted: This is gonna be major clean-up.
All: [salute] Major clean-up.
Marshall: Oh man, we're gonna be doing this all the time, now aren't we?
Robin: Well, that's the general idea.
All: [salute] General idea.

Robin: Well, he didn't have anywhere else to go, and I didn't know what to say. Is it really that big a deal?
Lily: This is our first Thanksgiving. 30 years from now, we're going to look at the photos and say, "Oh, there's the four people I love most in the world... and Bob."
Robin: I'm sorry. Sometimes I forget how seriously you guys take American Thanksgiving. Real thanksgiving happened over a month ago.
Barney: I'm "surry". Did you just say Canadian Thanksgiving was and I'm quoting, "The real Thanksgiving"? What do Canadians even have to celebrate "aboot"?
Robin: Canadian Thanksgiving celebrates explorer Martin Frobisher's valiant, yet ultimately unsuccessful attempt, to find the northwest passage.
Barney: Why are you guys even a country?

Bob: This is rad! A nice, small,simple Thanksgiving. I'm the youngest of ten in my family, so our Thanksgiving is a mess. All the yelling and the screaming...
Future Ted: [v.o.] And then a funny thing happened...
Bob: It's really a major buzz-kill.
Ted and Robin: [salute] Major buzz-kill.
Lily: Oh, no.
Barney: I thought we were done with that?
Robin: I guess we're not.
Ted: Guess we're not.

Marshall: That's three! Thanks, baby, you're the best. And as a special, added bonus, I've composed a song just for this occasion. Ted, lights!
[Marshall starts playing the piano]
Marshall: [singing] What is this feelin' that's put you in your place A hot, red burnin' on the side of your face you feel the blood rush to your cheek. Tears start to fill your eyes and your lips are tremblin' but you can't speak, you're tryin', Oh, you're tryin' not to cry! You just got slapped [Barney adds "Oh, oh"] Across the face, my friend [Barney adds "Oh, oh, oh"] You just got slapped. Yes, that really just happened. Everybody saw it and everybody laughed and clapped, it was awesome. Wait, you just got... slapped. Happy Slapsgiving, everybody.

Marshall: Oh, hey, by the way, if anyone wants to come over early Thursday, we can watch the Slapsgiving day parade.
Barney: Well, there, you said it again.
Marshall: Said what?
Barney: Slapsgiving.
Marshall: Oh, I guess I did. You know why? I've invented a new holiday: Slapsgiving. It's the one day we set aside each year to gather together and give slaps.

Future Ted: [v.o.] After a very long night, it was finally the big holiday. Sorry, the two big holidays.
Lily: Oh, Marshall, are you working on the cranberry sauce?
Marshall: In a minute, baby. I've only got so many hands. You see what I got going on here? They're turkeys, but they're also hands, because later, we're going to eat turkey... and then I'm going to slap you in your face.
Barney: Please, you took out all the suspense. In a horror movie, the killer does not grab a bullhorn and announce, "Attention, unsupervised teens here at the lake house: At precisely 3:00 a.m., I'm gonna jump out of that closet right there and hack you all up with a machete. P.S. fire is my one weakness."

Ted: The only reason I'm jealous of Bob is that we can only talk about the first Thanksgiving, but he was actually there.
Robin: Come on.
Ted: The only reason I'm jealous of Bob is because I heard Noah gave him shotgun in the ark.
Robin: Ted...
Ted: The only reason I'm jealous of Bob is that I'm just an architect, but he discovered fire. How do you top that?

Lily: All right,we have a turkey.
Marshall: Yeah, we do.
Lily: Isn't this exciting? Our first Thanksgiving together as a group.
Marshall: Yeah, this is gonna be the best Slapsgiving ever.
Barney: What?
Marshall: I said this is going to be the best Thanksgiving ever.