Robin: Oh, cool. I wish I didn't have to go to work in the morning.
Simon: Oh, but, babe, you got to go to work. You got to play our demo on your show.
Robin: Oh, well, you know, it's not a show. It's the news.
Simon: Right. So you can be, like "Hey, did you hear there's some news? There's a rad band you guys should check out." And then play it. Or just, like, the first three songs.
[later, as Robin presents the news:]
Robin: And now it's time for "Puppy Corner," some little angels looking for a new home, courtesy of the Midtown Animal Shelter.
[Pictures of cute dogs are shown as Simon's hard-metal music plays in the background: "Murder Train", The Foreskins, Currently Seeking Representation]
[later:]
Robin: Hey, a lot of puppies got adopted. Of course, a lot of the people calling in thought we were going to kill them.

Barney: All right. I can't find your video. I've wasted three days tr... What's the matter?
Robin: Uh, Simon dumped me in his van after the show.
Barney: Yeah, Robin, that was, like, ten years ago.
Robin: No, tonight.
Barney: Ooh. Really? [Robin starts crying] Oh! Oh, come here.
Robin: It's just... When I was young, I was so vulnerable and-and open to things, you know? And... I guess I just... I wanted to feel that way again. I wanted to be 16 again.
Barney: Robin, that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard come out of your mouth. You want to be 16 again? I have watched your first Robin Sparkles video 1,000 times, and it's not because I'm proud of you as a friend. It's because you were totally, totally lame back then. But now, come on. Pa-cow! You're the most awesome person I have ever known. Well, second most awesome.
Robin: Right. Of course, the-the first being you.
Barney: No. No. The first is this guy who lives in a place called the mirror. What up?! I'm saying that you are way more awesome than Simon ever will be.

Robin: This was my big artistic follow-up to "Let's Go to the Mall." It kind of tanked.
Barney: Is that Tiffany?
Robin: Mm-hmm.
Barney: You are so rad. It's everything I want it to be and more.
Robin: Oh, I'm so glad.
Barney: Is that Alan Thicke?
Robin: Yeah.
Barney: You know, if you reedit it, there's a tampon commercial in here somewhere.

Ted: Okay, what the hell just happened?
Robin: Oh, come on, it wasn't so bad, was it?
[flashback at earlier that night at MacLaren's:]
Robin: Hey, Simon.
Simon: Wow, look at you. You got old.
Robin: Yeah. You look great. You got hotter, like that's possible.
[present:]
Robin: Look, I know it didn't go as planned, but I can't help it. I mean... he's still got it.
[flashback:]
Simon: Whoa! Four bucks for a brew? What a rip. Good thing I'm packing. [removes a beer can from his pants]
[present:]
Robin: So he's not a snob. He's from a different part of Canada, you know? The maple leaf flag on the back of the pickup truck? He's Red Province. He's from the Deep North.

Robin: Well, I'm sorry, guys. It was all very tame. We only dated for a week and a half.
Barney: Wha...? I thought you said you were together all summer.
Robin: Yeah. Summer in Canada is pretty much the last week of July.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Now kids, When aunt Robin was the teenager. She was, well, a Canadian pop star. But by 2008,
Robin: [on TV] Coming up next, 'Is your baby trying to kill you?'
Future Ted: [v.o.] Which maybe events that week, all the more surprising.

Robin: [v.o.] Anyway, one night, his band just finish playing this gig...
[flashback to young Robin in Canada:]
Robin: Oh, my God! Simon. That was such a good show. You guys totally rocked out.
Simon: Yeah. I know. I figure we're about four or five gigs away from really exploding. We're gonna be big, babe. I mean, like Crash-Test-Dummies big. So, that everything? All right. Listen, babe... It's over.
Robin: What?
Simon: I'm getting back together with Louise Marsh.

Lily: Louise Marsh?! That's a whore's name if I ever heard one.
Marshall: Yeah, why would he want to get back together with Louise Marsh?
[flashback to young Robin talking with Simon:]
Simon: Well, the thing is, her folks just put in a pool.
Robin: Oh.
Simon: So...
Robin: Totally. I get it. Pools are great. Swimming's awesome. We have a sprinkler. Run right through it. Well, I should go.
Simon: Uh, babe, wait.
Robin: Yeah, Simon?
Simon: You forgot to load the drum set.

Lily: Well, that's cool. You got to pay the bills somehow since your whole music thing didn't really pan out, did it?
Simon: Well, it hasn't panned out yet, but the band's still going. About four or five gigs away from really exploding.
Robin: The Foreskins are still playing?
Ted: The Foreskins? How'd you guys come up with that name?
Simon: Well, there's four of us, and we play without shirts. Babe, seriously.
Robin: [scoffs] I know. I'm sorry.

Barney: Robin, seriously, just make this easier on yourself and give us the tape.
Robin: No.
Barney: All right. You leave me no choice. From this moment on, I will spend every waking minute searching down this tape. I will not sleep. I will not eat. My life will be a living hell of search engines and overseas phone calls, chasing down something that possibly can't be found.
Robin: Okay.