[Robin Daggers "P.S. I Love You" music video:]
Robin: [singing] The law can't stop my love I'll fit you like a glove Restraining orders don't scare me The lawyers at the record company made me promise to say "That the views expressed in this song do not necessarily Reflect the views of Dominant Records Or any of its subsidiaries" I'm totally a slacker, and I don't even care With my curling zines and my faraway stare But deep down inside, yeah, deep down inside I'm dying I'm trapped in a cage of the tears I cry I'm praying to God, but she doesn't reply Even the robot says...
Robot: Move on.
Robin: I'm trying P.S. I love you

[on "Robin Sparkles: Underneath the Tunes":]
Announcer: Speculation began immediately. Who was Robin Sparkles singing about with those angry, obsessive lyrics? Many names were suggested.
Geddy Lee: It wasn't me.
Steven Page: It wasn't me.
Jason Priestley: Wasn't me.
Luc Robitaille: It wasn't me.
Alex Trebek: It wasn't me.
Dave Coulier: It wasn't me. Why does everyone always think... it's me?
k.d. lang: I wish it was me.
Announcer: But one name comes up more than any other...
[later:]
Barney: Alan Thicke.
Alan Thicke: How can I help you? Doughnut?

[on "Robin Sparkles: Underneath the Tunes":]
Chuck: In 1996, we booked the halftime show for the Grey Cup. Huge gig. We're talkin' Ivor Wynne Stadium in Hamilton, just outside of Guelph. It doesn't get any bigger than that.
Robin: [on stage] Hello, Canada. I'm Robin Sparkles. Actually, I was Robin Sparkles.
Jason Priestley: The whole stadium went silent.
Paul Shaffer: Right then, I knew something terrible was gonna happen. My stomach started churning.
Robin: But Robin Sparkles is dead.
Jason Priestley: All I could hear was Paul Shaffer's stomach growling.
Paul Shaffer: Stress goes to my stomach. Sue me.
Jason Priestley: It was kind of disgusting.
Paul Shaffer: I'm sorry, Jason Priestley. I didn't realize you were the Queen of England.

[on "Robin Sparkles: Underneath the Tunes":]
Announcer: Her record producer, Chuck "Chuck" Gerussi.
Chuck: Robin Sparkles was big. Gino Vannelli big. Who I discovered by the way.
Announcer: Robin's next song, "P.S. I Love You' was so dark, Dominant Records refused to release it. Few have ever seen the long-lost music video, but we found it.
["P.S. I Love You" music video:]
Robin: [singing] You, you're beautiful On your pedestal I see you You don't see me Am I just too young or just too dumb? Or maybe just too grungy? And I'm wearing my flannel, and I'm thinking of you ♪ I lace up my boots, and I'm thinking of you I write letters and letters They never get answered by you I'll never move on It'll always be you Every guy that I'm with I'll be thinking of you If I get married, he'll always be second to you I'll always be waiting for you P.S. I love you.

[on "Robin Sparkles: Underneath the Tunes":]
Announcer: With her jelly bracelets, graffiti coat, and totally rad robot, no one symbolized the 1990s in Canada like Robin Sparkles. But as we'd all learn one heartbreaking Grey Cup Sunday, Canada's sweetheart had a dark side.
Paul Shaffer: I'll never forget that moment.
Geddy Lee: A little piece of Canada died that day.
Jason Priestley: To see her throw her life away like that, it was heartbreaking.

[on "Robin Sparkles: Underneath the Tunes":]
Steven Page: It was tragic. I mean, to this day... you ask any Canadian where they were when Robin Sparkles lost it, not only can they tell you which Tim Hortons they were in, but what doughnut they were eating. Me? Wawa, Ontario. Blueberry fritter.
Geddy Lee: Halifax, Nova Scotia. Walnut crunch.
Luc Robitaille: Victoriaville, Quebec. Sour cream plain.
Alex Trebek: Sudbury, Ontario. Honey dip.
k.d. lang: Red Deer, Alberta. Chocolate glaze.
Jason Priestley: Squamish, British Columbia. Crammed a Timbit into a strawberry vanilla and invented The Priestley. Should've been the best day of my life.
Paul Shaffer: It was horrifying on so many levels. [stomach growls] Actually, you know what? I'm sorry, I can't... I just can't talk about this. I'm out of here, okay? I'm out of here. Here, excuse me. I'm sorry. Will you take... No, no, don't move. I'm out. Sorry, sorry.

[on Space Teens:]
Alan Thicke: Girls, if you want to get through the asteroid belt, you've got to use multiplication. To the joystick!
[Robin Sparkles and Jessica Glitter grab hold of a particularly phallic-shaped joystick while Alan Thicke instructs them on a video screen:]
Alan Thicke: Okay, Space Teens, let's multiply! Five times six?
Robin: Oh. 30.
Alan Thicke: Yes! Seven times four?
Jessica Glitter: 28!
Alan Thicke: Keep going! Eight times nine?
Robin: 72!
Alan Thicke: Don't stop now! Almost there! 23 times three?

[on Space Teens:]
Jessica Glitter: Great job using long division to catch that space burglar, eh?
Robin Sparkles: Well, what can I say? He'll be in galactic jail for the remainder of his life.
Robot: Sparkles, Glitter, we're about to enter an asteroid belt, eh.
Jessica Glitter: [gasps] Brace for turbulence!
Both: [jiggling around] Oh. Oh.

Robin: I'm sorry. But you guys just don't understand. The fact that he kept the band going...that's impressive! I mean, I gave up my musical dream.
Barney: Which brings us to the most important piece of information from tonight.
[flashback to MacLaren's:]
Barney: So, Simon, how did you guys meet?
Simon: Oh, I was in her video.
Robin: Starred in it is more like it.
Simon: Well, once you win Mr. Teen Winnipeg, everybody wants a piece of the moneymaker.
Barney: I'm sorry. I've seen "Let's Go to the Mall" about a thousand times, and you, sir, are not in it.
Simon: No, I was in the other one.
Barney: There's another video?!
[An excited Barney jumps up and rushes out of MacLaren's]

Robin Sparkles: [singing on video] Let's go to the mall today! Everybody loves the mall
Lily: So, just to be clear, you wanted everybody to go to the mall today?
Barney: Wow, we're gonna watch this a lot.
Robin: I even wore a bedazzled jean jacket.
Ted: Hey, just so you know, 16-year-old me would have been all over you. You could have been the girlfriend in Canada I told everyone I had.