[title card: "The Damsel in Distress":]
Barney: Hey, Robin, I just got your text. What's the big emergency?
Patrice: Hi, Barney! You seem like you run fast. Do you want me to fan you with my US magazine?
Robin: He's fine.
Barney: Thanks, Patrice.
Robin: Oh, thank goodness you're here. I just got this new printer, and I need somebody big and strong to take it to my office for me. I promise to repay you.
Patrice: We'll do it for you, Robin!
Robin: Don't you have a late-breaking weather story to cover, Brandi?
Brandi: Oh, I did it already. It rained.
Barney: Oh, I got to jump on a big Brobibs conference call. The lawyer from Dude Aprons is really busting my balls. See ya.
Robin: Nobody asked for your help, Patrice! You either, Brandi!

Robin: She can't see that Barney is using her, and it breaks my heart. You know, I love Patrice. We're like sisters.
Ted: You've never gotten through even one exchange without screaming at her.
Robin: Sisters fight, Ted! But the bond is always there.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, I won't lie, that was a long weekend. More ups and downs than I can count. It was a twisting, turning road that led to the end of the aisle, and not everything along the way was perfect. To be honest, not everything to follow would be perfect either. But what is? Here's the secret, kids: none of us can vow to be perfect. In the end, all we can do is promise to love each other with everything we've got. Because love's the best thing we do. And on that lovely spring evening, that's exactly what Barney and Robin vowed to each other. And it was legendary.

Barney: I know it's a lot, but I-I don't want to screw up this wedding thing.
Lily: "I vow to love you forever unconditionally, unless you pudge out, in which case I'm a Barney-shaped hole in the wall."
Marshall: "I vow to start watching hockey with you..."
Lily: Oh, that one's sweet. I know how much you hate hockey.
Marshall: "...once a month""
Lily: But it's still a nice gesture.
Marshall: "No. Once a year. No. Hockey's dumb. Not watching it, and neither are you, woman. Now make me French toast." I'll put this in the maybe pile.

Robin: Tell me the truth.
Ted: Okay, I-I tracked it down, and I gave it to Barney to give to you. Honestly, it was no big deal.
Robin: How did you find it?
Ted: Psh. How does anybody find anything? You hear it might be in your race car pencil box. It's not there. So you swing by your ex-fiancée's storage locker on the opposite coast. It's not there. You learn Victoria has it in Germany, but Jeanette intercepts it, throws it in Central Park Lake. It's a nice day for a swim, so what the heck? You dive in, scoop it up, make it home in time for Jeopardy! Ease to the pease. Happy wedding.