Robin Quote #118
Lily: Instead of telling Ted you love him, you said "falafel"?
Robin: I totally choked.
Lily: I just don't get it. Why can't you tell Ted you love him?
Robin: Oh, come on, this is a big deal for me.
Lily: Oh, God, you'd think you never said it to a guy before. No.
Robin: Okay, well, I don't usually get this far in the relationship. I usually take the three-week exit.
Lily: Don't tell me you're actually buying into Barney's freeway theory.
Quote from Barney
Lily: Speaking of first times, we never got to hear your virginity story.
Marshall: That's right, I almost forgot.
Barney: Okay. I was 16, and it was in a baseball dugout...
Marshall: Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
Barney: I mean, I was in a subway with a high-priced call girl...
Ted: Risky Business.
Barney: I was accidentally hacking into NORAD'S computer...
Ted: That's War Games, and there's not even a sex scene in it.
Barney: All right! I was 23, and it was with my mom's 45-year-old divorced friend, Rhonda. She called me "Barry" the whole time, and for two weeks, my comforter smelled like menthol cigarettes. You happy?
Quote from Barney
Barney: Watch your steps when you get up, kids, 'cause I am about to drop some knowledge. Relationships are like a freeway.
Marshall: Wait a minute, a month ago you told me relationships are like a traveling circus.
Barney: No, this is new. This trumps that. Freeways have exits. So do relationships. The first exit, my personal favorite, is six hours in. You meet, you talk, you have sex, you exit when she's in the shower.
Robin: So every girl you have sex with feels the immediate need to shower? Actually, yeah, I get that.
Barney: The next exits are four days, three weeks, seven months... That's when you guys are gonna break up, mark your calendars.
Barney: Then a year and a half, 18 years, and the last exit, death. Which, if you've been with the same woman for your entire life, it's like, "Are we there yet?"
Quote from Glitter
Robin: Okay, fine, I'll watch it with you.
Robin: But if either of you makes even one peep about the show being dirty, I'm turning it off. I'm serious.
[on Space Teens:]
Robin Sparkles: Hey Jessica, how's your beaver?
[in the apartment, Ted and Barney spit take]
Jessica Glitter: Great. How's your beaver?
Robin Sparkles: Busy as ever!
[Ted and Barney stifle laughter]
Robin: Our characters had pet beavers.
Ted: [giggles] Sure.
Robin: The beaver is the official animal of Canada. It's our national mascot.
Barney: It's a noble creature.
Quote from Big Days
Robin: Well, I guess you just got to move on. I mean, it's not like you have a shot with Ready McGee over there, right? Ted?
Future Ted: [v.o.] Then I remembered. Cindy had a roommate. A roommate I only caught a glimpse of... But a roommate who, by every indication, was something very special. Was it possible? Could this be the girl attached to that ankle?
Ted: I got to see her ankles.
Robin: You're one of those? God, I swear, one in five guys...