The Mother Quote #4
Barney: I'm recruiting volunteers for the Starving Puppy Orphanage where I work. For free. So if you wouldn't mind just writing your number down on this sign-up sheet...
The Mother: Listen. I appreciate that you feel like you need my number. Um, maybe it's because you're really sad about something and this is your way of feeling better about yourself. But since I have a boyfriend, and I'm pretty sure I heard you call me a target earlier over there, I'm gonna go ahead and not give you my number. I'm gonna give you something even better.
Barney: Wow. Right to the chase. Meet you in Aisle 6.
The Mother: I'm gonna give you this. It's gonna be okay. You're a good guy. You will get through this.
Barney: Uh, okay, weirdo alert. [to another woman] Have you met...? Excuse me. [to the mother] What do you mean, "sad"?
Features in the collection: Have you met... Ted?.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Yeah, Barney and James together was a lethal combination. Since there was never any crossover in targets, James was always there for Barney with the assist.
[flashback to James and Barney at MacLaren's]:
James: [to a woman] Whoa. Your scarf... it is fierce!
Woman: Thanks. H&M.
James: What? I would never know, 'cause it is so hot that my eyes are melting. Oh, I can't see. Hey! You know, speaking of things that would look good wrapped around you, have you met my straight brother, Barney? Oh, he is fab...don't you go nowhere...ulous. Okay?
Barney: Exactly! Ted, let's wrap. Statistic: at every New York party there's always a girl who has no idea whose party she's at. She knows no one you know, and you will never see her again. Do you see... where I'm going... hu-with this?
Ted: Barney, I don't wanna say.
Barney: Argh! Scoping, beep, scoping, beep!
Lily: Man you're a dork.
Barney: Beep, beep, beep, beep. Target acquired! And now it's time we play a little game I like to call "Have You Met Ted?"
Ted: No, come on not this.
Barney: [taps woman] Hi! Have you met Ted?
Quote from Barney
Barney: All right, next challenge.
Lily: Oh, this is an all-night thing? Okay. Um... Pick up a girl wearing a garbage bag.
Barney: I'd be Glad to. Just hope she's not too Hefty. And those are all of the brands of trash bags I can think of.
Lily: I'm not done. You also can't use the letter E.
Barney: Challng accptd!
Quote from Robin
Barney: Seriously, guys, you're gonna have to try harder than that.
Robin: Challenge accepted.
[later, at MacLaren's:]
Robin: Excuse me, hi. I'm Ryan Gosling's personal assistant. He saw you as you were walking in, and he sent me over to tell you to wait here. Be cool. This is real. Okay? But listen. Ryan is super shy. I know. Heh-heh. Which means if he comes in here and sees you talking to some other guy, he's gonna turn right around and leave. Nod if you understand.
[back at the apartment:]
Robin: Redhead at the bar.
Barney: Challenge accepted!
[later at MacLaren's:]
Barney: Hey there.
Woman: Get away from me!
Quote from Bass Player Wanted
Marshall: Hey, thanks again for picking us up. It's been a crazy couple days. You can't imagine what we've been through.
The Mother: Wait, let me guess. You were visiting a relative? Maybe your mother? And I'm getting a Midwest vibe, somewhere like Wisconsin... [Marshall scoffs] No. Minnesota?
Marshall: Wow, you're, like, really good at this.
The Mother: You're planning an overseas trip with your wife. I'm seeing a feisty redhead who loves art. She just got a job in Europe. Maybe France? No. Italy? Total shot in the dark, but Rome?
Marshall: Maybe I'll just like... I'll get out right here.
The Mother: You're not going anywhere. No, I'm just messing with you. I rode the train with your wife. She told me all about you. You must be Marshall.
Quote from Bass Player Wanted
Marshall: So, what did Darren do to you?
The Mother: Well, a few years ago, I started this band. You know, it was a goof. It was just me and a couple of dorks from business school. I'm actually embarrassed to tell you our name.
Marshall: I had an all-lawyer band called The Funk, the Whole Funk and Nothing but the Funk.
The Mother: Oh, I now feel very safe talking about my band, Super Freakonomics.