Ted Quote #1304

Quote from Ted in Something Old

Ted: All rulings are final.
Lily: Okay, why are things that we like getting "Triangled" and crap you like sneaks through?
Ted: Like what?
Marshall: That old 50-pound karaoke machine.
Ted: Come on! We sang in the New Year in '02 on this thing, remember? We were Destiny's Child! And since I was Beyonce, I'm pretty sure I get final say here, so...
Marshall: Oh, we were not your backup singers, bitch. We were a group.
Ted: I'm sorry, are you guys married to Jay-Z, or am I married to Jay-Z? Italy. [feedback]

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 ‘Something Old’ Quotes

Quote from Ted

Ted: Now, as you know, I'm a bit of a legend when it comes to packing.
Marshall & Lily: We know.
Ted: Tales are still told of the time I traveled all through Spain for two weeks with everything I needed efficiently packed into a hands-free belt satchel. The locals called me...
[title: "El Ganso con la Riñonera"]
Lily: Yeah, it's not a "hands-free belt satchel," Ted. It's a fanny pack.
Ted: It's not a fanny pack.
Marshall: In Spanish, El Ganso con la Riñonera means "Fanny Pack Dork."
Ted: No, it doesn't. It means "Packer of Great Skill and Merit."
Future Ted: [v.o.] I looked it up. It means "Fanny Pack Dork."

Quote from Lily

Marshall: But these handbags? Gonzo.
Lily: No way! These have sentimental meaning to me.
Marshall: Didn't you shop-lift these in your 20s?
Lily: Yes, and I get very nostalgic for that time. You get older, you have kids, you stop stealing, it's sad.

Quote from Robin

Future Ted: [v.o.] In 1994, Robin's dad took her to New York City for the first time...
[flashback:]
Robin: This is amazing! Thank you, sir!
Robin Sr.: Well, a little father-son bonding trip never hurt anyone.
Robin: I-I did almost die from malnutrition on that wolf hunt last year...
Robin Sr.: I had to almost kill you for you to learn how to kill.
Robin: [sighs happily] New York City's the best, eh?
Robin Sr.: I despise it. It's like Edmonton, minus the arts and culture. Come on, we'll miss our flight.
Robin: I'll catch up. [to herself] One day, I'm gonna move here, marry a sophisticated big-city man with a sick mullet - like all the way down to his shoulder pads, and at night, he'll let me brush it - and I'll dig up this locket so it can be my "something old" at our wedding.
Robin Sr.: R.J.!
Robin: Coming, sir! [whispers] I'll be back for you.