Marshall Quote #1080

Quote from Marshall in The Fortress

Lily: I don't want to tell you and Emsbry how to raise your child, but I think if you keep letting him nap, he's gonna be up all night.
Marshall: Funny, you sound like someone who's been around for his bedtime lately. Uh, can somebody get
this lady a storefront 'cause she needs to mind her own business, mm-kay? [crowd applaud]

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 ‘The Fortress’ Quotes

Quote from Ted

Ted: Well, you know what might cheer you up?
Marshall: Hmm?
Ted: There's a new Woodworthy Manor on tonight.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Woodworthy Manor was a show about an upper class English estate at the beginning of the 20th century.
Man: [on TV, British accent] My word! You can't possibly mean...
Woman: [on TV, British accent] But I do! With the succession of Lady Eastbrooke to Viscountess of Marlyemead, our cousin Baldrick becomes... the Earl of Witherstead.
Ted: The Earl of Witherstead! I only posted that prediction 15 times on the forums!

Quote from Barney

Robin: Hey, with the wedding so close, maybe we should talk about where we're going to live.
Barney: Fine, enough. Stop begging. We'll live here. But you owe me.
Robin: Yeah, I don't know. There's just a lot of things I don't totally love about your apartment.
Barney: Like what?
Robin: Well, for example, why is your bed on what look like train tracks?
Barney: [chuckles]
[flashback to Barney in bed with a woman:]
Woman: You were wonderful.
Barney: Well, you don't get to be a state-certified orgasmologist without learning how to please a woman.
Woman: You don't mind if I spend the night, do you?
Barney: Um, how else are we gonna get to know each other on a deeper level? Excuse me, I just have to log
tonight's orgasms with the licensing board.
[Barney gets out of bed and pulls a vase on the counter. The bed suddenly starts to recede into the wall. A new bed appears below it and raises into place.]
[present:]
Barney: The Ho-be-gone Sleep System by Stinson, patent pending.
Robin: What is on the other side of the wall? Where do the hos go?
Barney: [scoffs] What am I, a contractor?

 Marshall Eriksen Quotes

Quote from The Final Page (Part 2)

Marshall: Oh, I forgot the lullaby. Do you know Marvin's lullaby? We sing it to him every night.
[flashback to Marshall playing guitar and singing to Marvin with Lily adding percussion:]
Marshall: Night, night, little Marvin Stars twinkle for you [Lily plays chimes] The Dreamland train's a-chuggin' [Lily blows train whistle] All your dreams will come true And the horsie says, "Good night" [Lily plays wood scraper block] And the birdie says, "Good night" [Lily blows bird whistle] And the elephant says, "Good night" [Lily plays tuba] And the skeleton playing his own rib cage Says, "Good Night" [Lily plays xylophone] And the robot says, "Good night"
Lily: [uses a voice-changing megaphone] Good night.
Man: [o.s.] Enough with the damn music!
Marshall: [singing] And Mr. Nesbit says, "Good night" And the whole world says, "Good night" Take it, Mommy.
[Lily plays the violin]

Quote from Bagpipes

Barney: Hey, tiger. How you holding up? Do you need a hug? You want to talk about yesterday? Safe space.
Ted: Barney thinks Lily asking you to wash your dishes right away is a sign your marriage is crumbling.
Marshall: What? Why? Lily likes a clean sink, so I do the dishes right away, what's the big deal?
Barney: I'll tell you what the big deal is. You know how I was always the best at being single?
Ted: No.
Barney: Well, now I am the best at relationships. Even better than you and Lily.
Marshall: Aw. Look at you. Had a girlfriend for five minutes, you think you can play with the big boys, adorable. Son, I've been in a relationship since you had a ponytail and were playing Dave Matthews on your mama's Casio. I'm a good boyfriend in my sleep. I can rock a killer foot rub with one hand and brew a kick-ass pot of chamomile in the other that would make you weep. Hell, I've forgotten more about microwaving fat-free popcorn and watching Sandra Bullock movies than you'll ever know, but thanks for your concern, rook.