Ted: Barney?
Barney: [as a floating head hologram] My son.
Ted: Barney, enough with the floating Jor-El head from the Fortress of Solitude in Superman, okay? It's getting old.
Barney: I only use it to say really important stuff.
Ted: Last time you used it to tell me Wendy's had introduced a spicy version of "The Baconator".
Barney: Exactly. And now, my son, it is time for me to bestow on you...
Ted: Can we just talk face-to-face like normal people?
Barney: Ted, just... Just... Okay? My son, it is time for me to bestow on you... [Ted opens the door to the closet where Barney is recording himself] Close the door.
Ted: No. This is...
Barney: Oh, my God, can you just be cool? Once? Please? Just once? Can you just once be cool? Once? Please?

Robin: Hey, with the wedding so close, maybe we should talk about where we're going to live.
Barney: Fine, enough. Stop begging. We'll live here. But you owe me.
Robin: Yeah, I don't know. There's just a lot of things I don't totally love about your apartment.
Barney: Like what?
Robin: Well, for example, why is your bed on what look like train tracks?
Barney: [chuckles]
[flashback to Barney in bed with a woman:]
Woman: You were wonderful.
Barney: Well, you don't get to be a state-certified orgasmologist without learning how to please a woman.
Woman: You don't mind if I spend the night, do you?
Barney: Um, how else are we gonna get to know each other on a deeper level? Excuse me, I just have to log
tonight's orgasms with the licensing board.
[Barney gets out of bed and pulls a vase on the counter. The bed suddenly starts to recede into the wall. A new bed appears below it and raises into place.]
[present:]
Barney: The Ho-be-gone Sleep System by Stinson, patent pending.
Robin: What is on the other side of the wall? Where do the hos go?
Barney: [scoffs] What am I, a contractor?

Ted: Well, you know what might cheer you up?
Marshall: Hmm?
Ted: There's a new Woodworthy Manor on tonight.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Woodworthy Manor was a show about an upper class English estate at the beginning of the 20th century.
Man: [on TV, British accent] My word! You can't possibly mean...
Woman: [on TV, British accent] But I do! With the succession of Lady Eastbrooke to Viscountess of Marlyemead, our cousin Baldrick becomes... the Earl of Witherstead.
Ted: The Earl of Witherstead! I only posted that prediction 15 times on the forums!