Ted Quote #1277
Ted: Guys, I'm bringing her, and you're gonna love having her there. Oh, and... by the way, just so this doesn't turn into an argument later, the dress she's gonna wear isn't technically white, it's eggshell. The shoes are white, though. And the gloves. And the veil. Well, see you guys.
Quote from Barney
Marshall: This is the life. We got the three B's. Beach, booze and bodacious babes.
Ted: I don't know. I'm starting to think we should call the police.
Marshall: Oh, would you relax? We've got it made. One whole week at his bodacious beach house, no strings attached.
Ted: Well, there is one string attached.
Woman: Hi, Barney.
[Ted pulls a string to make Barney's arm wave]
Ted & Marshall: Bodacious.
[Barney jolts up in bed:]
Barney: "Weekend at Barney's!"
Robin: What is it? What's wrong?
Barney: The plays, Robin, the plays. The ingenious techniques I used as a bachelor to pick up busty dullards. They just keep coming to me, I can't turn them off.
Quote from Ted
Ted: Your wedding response card, as promised.
Robin: Why didn't you just mail it like everybody else?
Ted: Oh, see, that's sad, Robin. You should be touched that I hand-delivered it. Has social media so eroded our interpersonal relationships that we no longer wish to experience the...
Robin: You wanted to keep the stamp?
Ted: They're 46 cents now. It's getting out of hand.
Quote from Intervention
[flashback to Marshall arriving at the apartment as Ted stacks books on a shelf:]
Marshall: Hey. What's that?
Ted: A 1986 World Book encyclopaedia. [en-sahy-kluh-pay-dee-uh] It's exactly the one I grew up with.
Ted: Oh, you think it should be pronounced encyclo-pee-dia. It's a common mistake. But if you look at that squished together "ae" symbol in this here encyclopaedia, you'll learn that it's a ligature derived from the Anglo-Saxon rune...
[The bookshelves collapse, ripping off a portion of plasterboard and exposing the building's red brick walls]
Marshall: You know, you're gonna have to paedia for that.
Quote from We're Not From Here
Ted: New Jersey is not "pretty much New York". You are not "pretty much New Yorkers".
Colleen: And how would you know?
Ted: Because I live here. That's right. I live here. Yes, we're full of crap. Yes, we pretended to be from out of town so we could sleep with you and leave in the morning. But you know what's even worse than that?! Saying you're a New Yorker when you're not. Because, this is the greatest city in the world and you have to earn the right to call yourself a New Yorker. So why don't you girls crawl into the open sewer pipe you call the Holland Tunnel and flush yourselves back to "pretty much New York"? Because I will do a lot to get laid, but I am not going to New Jersey!