Marshall: Okay, Ted. Bar. Now.
Lily: Nice try. You're gonna stick me with that baby, so that you guys can spend five minutes sorting out his love life followed by an hour of you getting drunk and pretending to be in The Departed.
Marshall: You know what? I'm sorry, Lily. Okay? But I just need to know. [Boston accent] Are you a cop?
Ted: [Boston accent] I'm not a cop!
Marshall: Are you a cop?
Ted: I'm not a cop!

Marshall: Food going in isn't the problem. It's what's coming out... or not coming out. He hasn't pooped in three days.
Lily: Yeah. Normally, I wouldn't wish one of his dirty diapers on my worst enemy, but now I kind of miss poppin'
the hood in the morning and finding that first big, juicy, black...
Ted: Lily! I'm eating chili. I'm eating chili, Lily.
Lily: Confetti. Big blast of confetti. Normally, the kid's a confetti machine. He's Rip Taylor in a diaper.
Marshall: I have a feeling at this point, Rip Taylor is Rip Taylor in a diaper.
Ted: And with that image, dinner is done.

Robin: So, it's been three days since I said yes.
Barney: True.
Robin: And your panic attacks are getting shorter and further apart.
Barney: I can't do this! I feel like I'm drowning! Also true.
Robin: So I guess we're officially engaged. Maybe we should tell our parents. I assume my dad already knows. You did call him and got his permission, right?
Barney: [chuckles] Yeah, yeah, Robin. I... I bought you with an ox and some spices from the East. He's gonna put you in a cage and send you on horseback to my remote desert camp.
Robin: Okay, Barney...
Barney: Hold on. I'm not done. Where you'll be bathed in perfumes and oils and delivered to my tent. After you perform the traditional Dance of the Seven Veils, we'll adjourn to the tiger skin rug where we'll...
Robin: Barney...
Barney: Robin! If we're gonna build a marriage together, we have got to stop interrupting each other all the time.
Robin: Fine. Finish your story.
Barney: Thank you. Where we'll... do it.
Robin: Did you ask for my father's permission?
Barney: No, I did not.