Ted Quote #1134

Quote from Ted in The Magician's Code - Part Two

[a little ways down the road:]
Ted: The road to this day has had a few twists and turns, hasn't it?
Marshall: Yeah. Just a few. In a weird way, it all makes sense, though, doesn't it?
Ted: Yeah. Yeah, it kind of does.
[Ted knocks on a door and walks in]
Ted: The bride wants to see me?
[Robin turns around]


 ‘The Magician's Code - Part Two’ Quotes

Quote from Barney

Future Ted: [v.o.] Meanwhile, Barney and Quinn were off to Hawaii for their first getaway as a couple.
TSA Agent: Ma'am, I need you to open your suitcase.
Barney: It's mine. Did you have to replace my luggage, too?
Quinn: Run away on me again, you'll be wearing hot pink stilettos.
TSA Agent: What's that?
Quinn: Yeah, what is that?
Barney: It's a magic trick. You see, I'm something of a magician.
TSA Agent: Open the box, sir.
Barney: [laughs] Oh, I can't do that. [dog barks]
TSA Agent #2: Sir, are there drugs in that box?
Barney: Oh, no. He's probably just barking because of the explosives.
[The TSA agents pull their guns on Barney]
Quinn: Oh, my God!
TSA Agent: Tell us what's in the box right now!
Barney: I can't. Magician's Code.

Quote from Robin

Ted: Wow. Seeing them in there all together like that, they're a family, you know? That's what I want.
Robin: Oh, Ted, I'm glad we're friends again.
Ted: Me, too.
Robin: Because as your friend, I have to tell you: You're full of crap! You say you want a family, you say you want to meet "The One," but you are always chasing the wrong women.
Ted: That is not true.
Robin: Look at the women you date, starting with me: I told you right away I didn't want marriage or kids. Stella had a child with another man who she still loved. Zoey was married and trying to sabotage your career and wore a lot of stupid hats. I mean, if you really wanted a family, you would stop pursuing women you know there is no future with.
Ted: Okay, first of all, hats were in that year, kind of. Secondly, I don't always choose women there's no future with. Kind of.
Robin: Name one exception.
Ted: Victoria. Victoria was great.
Robin: Exactly, and you threw it all away to chase after some hot piece of ass. [scoffs]
Ted: You mean you?
Robin: Thank you! Victoria is the only woman you've dated who could've been "The One." You should call her.
Ted: Tiny thing, last time I saw her, she was getting engaged.
Robin: That was eight months ago. For all you know, she's single again.
Ted: What if she's married?
Robin: What if she's not? Then you would actually have a chance to get what you say you want, and it terrifies you. Why? Because if I stole a scalpel and cut you open, all I would find inside is a scared, trembling pile of crap.
Ted: See, I've missed these talks.
Robin: Me too.

 Ted Mosby Quotes

Quote from Intervention

[flashback to Marshall arriving at the apartment as Ted stacks books on a shelf:]
Marshall: Hey. What's that?
Ted: A 1986 World Book encyclopaedia. [en-sahy-kluh-pay-dee-uh] It's exactly the one I grew up with.
Marshall: Encyclopaedia?
Ted: Oh, you think it should be pronounced encyclo-pee-dia. It's a common mistake. But if you look at that squished together "ae" symbol in this here encyclopaedia, you'll learn that it's a ligature derived from the Anglo-Saxon rune...
[The bookshelves collapse, ripping off a portion of plasterboard and exposing the building's red brick walls]
Marshall: You know, you're gonna have to paedia for that.

Quote from We're Not From Here

Ted: New Jersey is not "pretty much New York". You are not "pretty much New Yorkers".
Colleen: And how would you know?
Ted: Because I live here. That's right. I live here. Yes, we're full of crap. Yes, we pretended to be from out of town so we could sleep with you and leave in the morning. But you know what's even worse than that?! Saying you're a New Yorker when you're not. Because, this is the greatest city in the world and you have to earn the right to call yourself a New Yorker. So why don't you girls crawl into the open sewer pipe you call the Holland Tunnel and flush yourselves back to "pretty much New York"? Because I will do a lot to get laid, but I am not going to New Jersey!